Truth(s)

I care a lot about unity. Unity that is real, not the marketing buzzword that lacks the reckoning and grace people deserve. But caring about unity raises questions.

Does Truth matter?

Is riding the fence an okay option?

Must we always pick a side?

I do believe Truth matters. I believe riding the fence is compromise that we must make sometimes. I believe picking sides is like picking teams - people get hurt, and sometimes you end up on a side you don’t want to be on.

The other day, some friends and I were discussing some of the day’s hottest political issues when I began to start processing how subscribing to a truth can immediately create division. Truth is necessary. Without it, life would be in limbo. But Truth is also problematic, which leads me to another question: Can there be more than one Truth?

Aside from two truths and a lie, most people would say, ‘no.’ Whether it’s based on personal circumstances, experiences or convictions, most of us subscribe to absolute Truths, whether we admit it or not, and when we’re met with opposing beliefs, we tend to unsubscribe, myself included.

But what if we didn’t? What if we were okay with the world holding more Truths than the one we hold so tightly to? What if that Truth in itself was one we subscribed to?

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: True or False questions are harder than they appear.

Waking Up When Waking up is Hardest

I wish I knew how to wake up.

You know, when you’re supposed to be working hard, focused on a project, but you’re using all of your energy to simply keep your eyes open? Or when you’re on a road trip, and the windows down, loud music and sunflower seeds aren’t enough to keep your eyelids from dropping and your head bobbing.

Those are the moments when I wish I knew how to wake up.

I can wake up fine when my alarm goes off in the mornings. I wake up fine on Saturdays, too - my only real day of the week to sleep in. That’s always the day I seem to wake up the earliest.

I just can’t seem to figure out how to wake myself when I really need to. When its life or death, a project deadline or when someone’s counting on me. Those are the times I’d much rather just shut my eyes, even for a few seconds, without feeling guilty.

But the guilt comes. The thoughts of not needing rest. The ‘you don’t deserve to shut your eyes; you can’t shut your eyes’ thoughts… which is helpful when driving of course.

But sometimes I wonder whether or not shutting the office door and getting 15 minutes of shuteye instead of 15 minutes of trying to stay awake would be better? If resting is okay, even when it’s not always the most convenient thing for your schedule. Maybe the key to waking up is actually letting your eyelids down.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Fifteen minute power naps might be the cure to 2p fatigue.

The Value of Expertise

If you’ve ever owned a house, you know that owning one is essentially like paying to have a series of projects that never end, half of which you probably don’t know how to do. That’s how I feel anyway.

Sarah, my wife, and I bought our first home this past December after years of renting ourselves, and so far, it’s felt a bit like being put into high school calculus without having any algebra in middle school. There’s problems and projects in front of us that we have no idea how to do because we’ve never seen anything like them before.

So, what do you do? You hire the professionals. And professionals get paid like professionals.

It pays to be an expert. An expert plumber, an expert electrician and expert handyman. You have a skill very few others have, and you can put a price tag on that value. I’m always a little shell shocked when I hear a quote back from these folks and think, “Wow! You make that much. I’m in the wrong field.”

But in reality, we’re all experts in something that others aren’t. Some just pay more than others. But being an expert is something to take pride in, no matter what it may be.

Maybe you’re an expert gamer? Or an expert at Microsoft Excel? Or an expert friend, knowing everything about your loved ones and caring for them deeply in ways no one else can?

It can’t be valued by money, but you’re valuable. Your expertise is needed. You’re needed. It’s about finding that Truth in yourself and leaning into it. When you do, the world around you is a little bit better - fixed. Just like my electricity will be today.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Own your expertise.

Celebrating Selflessly

This morning, I had a friend invite me to his bachelor party. I’m not a groomsman, and I have only known this guy a few months, but he still felt like he wanted me to be a part of the day celebrating his next season of life. When he invited me, I responded horribly, and now I feel terrible about it.

I could blame it on being caught off guard, or I could blame it on being 6a when he invited me, but I’m going to choose not to. Instead, I’m going to blame it on this fact: that more times than not, I value my plans, my happiness and my joy over celebrating other people.

*gulp

That’s a hard truth swallow and think about. It’s gutting to reflect on having someone ask you to be a part of a once-in-their-lifetime celebration and to not respond with love, joy, thankfulness, excitement and brotherhood, but instead to respond with, “I think I have some plans that day, but let me see what I can do.”

If I had been him and gotten that reaction, I think I would have been pretty hurt, and I’m pretty sure that’s how he felt too.

It wasn’t a proud moment, but it’s certainly a moment to learn from, enough so to process, write about it and share it with you, reader(s): Loved ones deserve to be celebrated at all times, even when those times aren’t always what’s most convenient for oneself.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Celebrate must be selfless.

Slow Trucks

Have you ever wanted to be a semi-truck driver?

Count me way out on answering yes to that question. Although, my dad might be someone who’s up for it. Lynn likes driving and taking things slow.

But that’s exactly why I wouldn’t be able to stand it - I cannot for the life of me take things slow.

Think about how frustrating it is to sit behind a truck anywhere on the road:
If you’re at a stoplight, you can’t see over it.
If you’re driving around town, they make wide turns.
If you’re driving through construction, they might run you into a guardrail.
And we all know what happens when you want to pass a truck but you’re stuck behind another truck trying to pass the same truck you are - it’s slow! And frankly, I would compare that specific instance to watching grass grow.

The point is, most of us don’t like going slow, and most of us don’t want to be truckers; however, there’s still a few, like Lynn, who do.

I suppose if you’re a trucker, you have some things going for you:
You get to see the countryside.
*Nice people get out of the way for you.
You get to listen to the radio all day.
You have one job - get from point A to point B safely and on time.
All not bad things. All slow things.

And sometimes I wish I were more okay with slow. With trusting the process and waiting in traffic. With looking at the grass on the side of the road. With slowing down enough to help carry big loads for those around me. With being like a trucker.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Next time, give your friendly truck a slow wave (but not with your middle finger).

A Lyric of Advice

There’s a line from a song that i love stuck in my head, which is much better than having a line from a song you hate (or an entire song you hate) stuck in your head.

The lyric is, “Speak up now. Have you said it before? Why don't you say it again, a bit louder?”

And I’ve been trying to figure out why I love that line so much, why it feels so relatable. And I think I’ve put my finger on it - I’m quiet.

For the most part, especially in big groups of people I don’t know exceptionally well, my voice doesn’t carry. I don’t know if it’s my natural tone, mumbling or a lack of confidence, but often times I say things, and they won’t be heard. It could be a joke that I’m not sure anyone will get, it could be an idea or even just a question. But no matter what it may be, it typically comes out quietly and can go unheard except for a couple of people who are close by. And it’s always those people that I wish would ask me:

“Speak up now. Have you said it before?
Why don't you say it again, a bit louder?”

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Speak up.

Failure. Escape. Acceptance. Relationships.

Today’s question I ask to myself: Does every beginning need a beginning?

In the past, every time I’ve sat down to write, I felt like I had to explain why I had stopped writing previously and why I’m starting to write again.

Maybe it was because I felt the need to explain myself to the few people who read my words. Maybe it was because there had been so many large gaps between each writing session that I feel like a new person compared to the person who last wrote. Or maybe maybe it was a way of forgiving myself. 

Either way, here I sit, having started down the writing journey again with a new goal, not to write a book but to become a writer. Not apologizing to myself or apologizing to you, the reader, for not writing, but making a promise that I will become a writer, that I am slowly but surely becoming who I want to be, that I’m pushing past fears.

Past unspoken fears have led to unspoken thoughts, and those fears have driven my do’s and don’ts, my words and my silence. It’s a reason why my writing process takes so long, why it’s taken me years to fulfill promises I’ve made to myself. FEAR. 

Failure. Escape. Acceptance. Relationships.

All things that scare me. All things that motivate me.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: A prayer: While my words are not solutions, may they be a nightlight, a friend and a reassuring, ‘It’s going to be okay.'‘

The Healing Process

What does it take for you to heal?

Personally, the more I go through life, it feels like healing only happens through more pain.

I’m not specifically talking about physical healing here, although these thoughts could apply there as well, but I’m talking about emotional pain. Spiritual pain. The kind of pain that you can’t see on the surface, but that wrecks havoc internally, under the surface of your veins, organs and insides. The pain that you hide, that you mask, that you bury, that eventually turns into a numbness but rears its wounded head every chance it gets, often in new and improved ways.

That’s the kind of pain I’m talking about healing from. The pain that seems hardest to heal from. What is that process for you, and is it important?

Lately, I’ve been writing a lot, and for me, writing is processing. Processing is where I’ve begun to think more about this healing process because processing has been causing me a lot of pain. It’s been turning up a lot of memories, thoughts and experiences I haven’t addressed in years, and with that, it’s revealing pain that I haven’t seen rear its head in quite some time. I buried those memories. Pretended they never happened and grew a thick skin over them to number the pain, hoping to never think about them or feel them again.

Not healthy, and I wouldn’t recommend.

So, here I sit. Addressing old pain in a new way. Almost talking about it with myself. And I’m honestly not even sure if that’s healthy, but It’s better than what my process was before.

That’s why I ask you, what does it take for you to heal?

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: We all have unaddressed pain. Search for healing.

Exertion's Growth

Exercise.

This, writing, is an exercise.
It stretches my mind, my thoughts, my spirit.
And it takes them to places I don’t know exist inside of me.

Physical, team training is an exercise.
It strengthens my body, my motivation, my commitment.
And it pushes me to grow in ways I could not do alone.

Spirituality is an exercise.
It tests my faith, my hope, my love.
And it anchors me when I fail at those tests.

Exercise.

It’s rarely comfortable, but it’s always consistent in the goodness it gives back.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Keep going. Breath. Stretch. Grow.

A Gas Station and an Answered Prayer

A few years ago, myself and a group of friends were coming back from a road trip to Portland from Seattle when our 2002 Jeep broke down at a gas station in the middle of nowhere. We felt stuck, since know one new anything about cars, and we were still several hours from home. It was late at night, and we knew the likely hood of getting one of our friends in Seattle to drive down and fetch us was slim to none.

So, what did we do?
We prayed.

Yes, the most cliche of Christian answers to solve what seemed like an extremely minor worldly problem, in the grand scheme of things. But we prayed.

Not 30 seconds after we finished our prayer, we saw the door of the truck stop diner up the street fly open and a burly, bearded man walk out - a typical trucker if there ever was one. He looked at us from the door and immediately started walking our way. When he reached us, all he said was, “You guys look like you’re having some car trouble. Why don’t you try inserting the key into the outside, driver’s door lock and locking and unlocking it a couple times?”

As we all looked around at one another thinking, “There’s no way this works,” sure enough, it worked.

Immediately after the engine roared back to life, the guardian angel turned around to leave with a low-key, “Looks like that did the trick. Y’all be safe.”

It’s this moment that I hold onto as a pivotal anchor to my faith. A small, but truly answered prayer in the heat of the moment. Both unexplainable and explainable, but a moment that I refuse to chalk up to circumstance.

Event when it feels like God isn’t listening, shouldn’t listen or has better things to hear, He hears us.

-Cliff

Tim’s Note: “Even when it feels like God is absent, He is with us. He is always working, turning the world’s bad to His good.” - Tim Keller

Good Friday Questions

Today is Good Friday, and I have some questions.

God,
What did You feel on Good Friday all those years ago?
Did You feel angry?
Did You feel sad?
Did You feel reckoning?
Did You feel justified?
Did You feel love?
Did You feel hope?
Did You feel victory?
Did You feel loss?
Did You feel pain?
Did You feel anything at all?
Do You feel?

Christ,
What is it like to care so much that You sweat blood?
Did You feel scared? If so, why?
Did You know what you were going into?
Did You feel angry?
Did You feel let down?
Did You feel alone?
Did You know you would win?
Did You see good in us, despite our bad?

Spirit,
Where were you this day all those years ago?
Did you abandon us?
Did you give us strength?
Did you pray for us?
Did you ever leave Jesus?
Did you see what happened?

These are some of the questions I have today. Some are old, some are new. One day, maybe they can be answered because today happened, all those years ago.

-Cliff
Cliff’s Note: Ask God.

For When People Let You Down

People let you down.

This is one of life’s great truths that gets harder and harder to swallow the older I get, probably because the older I get, the more trust I build with people.

All to have it torn down in an instant.

And it’s not always the people that we’re closest to that let us down the hardest; it’s quite possible that those who are far from us that we put our hope in who can let us down event harder. I’m talking about those we follow, idolize in the media or trust in faith - our heroes.

It’s these people, who have no knowledge that I (or you) even exist, who can turn our worlds upside down at the drop of a hat. It’s happened to me multiple times with different writers and musicians. I follow their art, taking it in and trusting it, building certain aspects of my own life around things they have taught, and then what happens? They change their mind, their faith or their thoughts entirely, shattering everything I ever thought about them and what may or may not be true.

And that feelings sucks.

This recently happened to me again, and I’m still figuring out how to handle it when it happens because it will undoubtably happen more throughout my lifetime. For now, I’m going to try not to take myself too seriously, along with others I put hope in, and I’m going to try to extend more grace. More grace because we are all human, and we all let people down, every day. And as I let those down around me, I can only hope that grace upholds us all.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: People let you down. Grace builds you up.

Caregivers

I once saw a homeless man give a business man $2 to pay for his parking meter, and I sat in the irony of that moment thinking about how caring for one another, as humans, flows two ways.

We all have something the other lacks, and watching moments of care like unfold seems rare, like seeing a moose in the wild. The moments must be captured, remembered and reflected upon.

I think these moments happen more often than not in-person. They happen in circumstances where we can see one another’s faces and engage with the entire human experience. Our emotions, our bodies, our minds and our spirits, all interacting with one another at the same time. So much more than can be experienced through a device in our hand where we can hide our faces. For when we hide our faces and others’ faces are hidden from us, we cannot see or show our emotions, our bodies our minds or our spirits. We can only write them down, type them out and send them off to the virtual world where we don’t have to look someone in the eye when they get hurt, wounded or upset by words written.

We were made flesh and made to be caregivers. This is where I believe we can truly be who we were created to be.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: The human experience is more than what we see on the devices in our hands.

Time

There’s probably a device in your pocket , one on the screen you’re reading this on, or maybe even one on your wrist that’s counting today for you.

And not just today, but your entire life.

It’s counting the seconds, the minutes and them moments, and as it counts them, there’s no getting any of them back.

We spend our time texting, tweeting and talking. Working, walking and wavering - wavering on thoughts, on choices, on what to do with the time we’re given.

Do we enjoy how we spend it at the end of each day? Did we choose wisely how to allot and budget the one thing that we can never earn back or earn enough of? When you set your time tracker down for the day and lay your head to rest, does your mind really rest, or is it running a million miles an hour, counting all the time you lost, all the things you could have done or all the things that will come tomorrow?

Time comes with questions, and those questions take time. What will you do with yours?

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Time, rarely ever on your side, but somehow always beside you.

Matching One's Greatest Joy with the World's Greatest Needs

Sometimes, life hands you lemons, and you make lemonade. Other times, life hands you gourds, and you look back at life and ask it, “What am I supposed to do with these?”

At some point or another, my Creator, the God who assembled me together, inside and out, added a spark into the primary engine of my spirit that kicks on when I watch people connect and work together. And oddly enough, I can remember this spark being there since I was a kid. Back then, I wouldn’t have been able to tell you what it was about watching two friends from two different friend groups hit it off and get along that made me so happy, I just know it did. It always has, and it always will; however, what do you do with that feeling?

Growing up and watching your friends’ passions develop is a fascinating process - how these passions evolve and influence the trajectory of life is amazing, and it carries people all over the world. From friends passionate about athletics and pursuing professional sports to friends passionate about politics and pursing careers centered on social justice, it gives one a feeling of pride to stand back and say, “Hey, that’s my friend. Look how far they’ve gone.”

But what was I going to do with this weird passion I had of convening people and watching them form friendships out of those introductions? I certainly wasn’t going to pursue a career in match-making, but surely there had to be something out there ‘where my greatest joy met the world’s greatest need,’ as the great Frederick Buechner said. After all, I highly doubted the world needed another match-maker (although Bumble and Tender turned out to be pretty successful), but surely, the world needs something that allows me to do what I love?

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Match your greatest joy with the world’s greatest needs is a journey, one that cannot be given up on.

A Controlling Journey

When you grow up in one world and move to another, completely different world, your life is going to change.

You’re going to to be exposed to new things, new people, new ideas and new ways of living life, and there’s no way around it.

You must adapt.
You must learn.
You must grow.
You must change.

And while adapting, learning and growing are generally adjectives that we glorify, change is hit and miss. Yet, not all change is bad.

In my journeys, from world to world, I’ve come to realize something in my own changes.

We’re all coming from different places, and we all believe what we believe because of those different places. And that’s okay. It’s okay that others are sculpted by other artists, rather than the one who sculpted yourself. We look different because of that. We think different because of that. We believe different because of that.

And through those differences and our change, we cannot lose respect for our peers… or their artists.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Under one Maker, we are dispersed all over the cosmos. And when we unite again, our accumulation will be a work of art in itself.

Markers

It felt like I was holding two small ponds, one in each hand, and as I looked down at the floor underneath the chair I was sitting, I saw two bodies of water forming from the dripping springs that were my hands above. As the artist continued to drive a needle into my wrists, my friend Cole sat next to me looking at the puddles of sweat forming under the both of us, and glancing at me, informed me that he would grab some paper towels.

Cole and I were lifeguards together at a local indoor pool, and he was one of those friends who was always up for anything. When I asked him to tag along with me to go get my first tattoos, he was all in. This was great because I knew I didn’t want to go by myself, and I would have someone to listen to angsty screamo music with the entire way there.

Growing up, I never thought that I would be someone who would get tattoos. Tattoos were only for people who rode motorcycles, played professional sports or were in rock bands. As a boy in small-town Oklahoma, my body was a temple, and I was terrified of needles, so getting a permanent marking on my skin was never something that crossed my mind. But then again, growing up never goes as planned, does it?

It’s funny how sometimes we get ideas to do things from the least expected places. I got the idea for my first tattoo sitting in a Sunday school class my junior year of high school.

We were watching a video series by, Rob Bell. In this particular video, he was planting two trees - one on each side of him. At the end of the video he stood between them and explained how each tree represented the Tree of Life found in Genesis and Revelation. The tree in Genesis representing the beginning of time, and the tree in Revelation was representing the end of time. That’s when it hit me: symbolism says a lot.

We live in funny world. It’s a world that frowns upon talking about religion, politics and things that actually matter, but adores talking about the weather, sports and neighborhood gossip. Which makes sense to an extent. The deeper the discussed issue, the more opportunity there is for disagreement. It’s easy to talk about things we know we can all agree on.

Looking back, I think the mindset of ignoring life’s ‘life-changing’ topics was engrained into us at an early age. The biggest cartoons were always filled with sticks of dynamite and falling anvils, not real-life problems that we may actually have to face one day. To talk about anything real sends up red flags. But that’s half the battle. The real war starts when we try to pull down those flags and pursue genuine knowledge of our neighbors.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Symbolism speaks in ways we can’t.

Empowerment > Empathizing Emo Music

Zapped of all energy. Negative emotions. Things breaking, physically and inside you. Frustrated. Impatient. Angry and small.

No, those aren’t the lyrics to my favorite emo song from the mid-2000s. Those are real feelings, real feelings that, unfortunately, some mornings start with. For me, and probably for you too.

They’re feelings that aren’t really productive (unless you’re in an emo band), and when the weather is cloudy, stormy and cold like it is here today on the Great Plains, it can be hard to find what you need to reverse them.

What does it for you?

Is it reading and escaping to another world for a period of time? Is it getting your favorite morning beverage down the hatch, with a boost of new energy? Is it talking to someone, or prayer/meditation?

We all have go-to’s, and some days they work better than others, but when they do work, there’s no feeling quite like it. It’s a small internal victory to start your day. It’s beating back the uncontrollable chaos around you and telling it to try again another day, bringing back some sense of control, or at least some sense of feeling empowered.

Because in the end, I think that’s something we’re all after - A little bit of feeling empowered and the ability to conquer the day at hand.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Seek empowerment, and when you can’t find it, there’s always emo music to empathize with.

Cognitive Bias

How do you see yourself? Not when you look into a mirror, but when you look inside.

Are you an uncertain, 17-year-old high schooler? Are you a terrified of being a leader because you fear people will find out you don’t know what you’re doing? Do you see someone who always has to be right?

The questions could go on, but we all have our own cognitive biases. We all have our own internal thoughts that reflect the life we live, whether good or bad.

For me, I’m the 17-year-old, which makes me terrified to be a leader because after all, i’m only 17 in my head, so why should I be able to lead anything?

This is something I need to flip. We all need to flip. Whatever is holding you back in your head, how can you turn that around and tell yourself the truth? Who you really are. Where you’re really at. And what all you’ve really done to make this world a better place.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Sometime’s, it’s harder to change your mind about how you perceive yourself than how you perceive others.

Extraordinary Existence

Lately, I’ve been fascinated by science.

What kicked it off was a video I saw of a human white blood cell chasing a bacterium, captured through a microscope. It was like watching a real-life Pac-man, and it was incredible to see what the human body is capable of to protect itself, all on it’s own.

Isn’t it fascinating how all of natural order works and sorts itself out, even in sickness with the body, or storms in nature?

The sun goes up and down every day, followed by the moon and the stars appearing at night and disappearing at dawn. The earth revolves around the sun, year in and year out, right on time, slowly rotating at the same speed, keeping our calendars and clocks all in check.

Our bodies grow, work and rest. They’re protected by a material unlike any other on earth, equipped with other living pieces that grow, re-grow, protect and kill things likely to hurt us.

We’re born with it and into it, for better or for worse, and we didn’t have to pay a cent for any of the experience. It’s all free.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: How easy it is to neglect the extraordinary that’s keeping our existence intact.