Transforming Reality

Not long ago, I was a recent college graduate without ties to much of anything. I could go where I wanted to go, work where I wanted to work and ultimately, let my narrative feel out of my control and in the control of my Creator. It was a season, a special season.

Now, I have been out of college for nearly a decade, and I have several ties . I have roots, a steady job and a wife I love. My narrative has changed, and it has turned into something I feel like I have to control. It’s a new season, a special one.

But I have landed on a key difference in where I’m at spiritually. What once felt like God’s control now often feels like my control.

The other day, I was listening to a podcast on Faith and Trust. It was an episode relating to much of how i’ve been feeling, about how we should live out our narrative in a way that requires Faith to see the Spirit of God meet us where we are uncertain, ultimately to provide for us in ways that are beyond ourselves.

The host of the show shared that, ”Faith is the breaking of our Spiritual paths,” and he also shared the ancient story of a man named Abraham from the first book of the Bible, Genesis.

Part of Abraham’s story is God asking him to climb a mountain to sacrifice his own son. It’s a story that’s often followed with the reasonable question of, “Why would a loving God ask a man to kill his own son?”
But as the story goes, Abraham does climb the mountain, and before he can make his ultimate sacrifice, God shows up and provides a ram in place of Abraham’s son.

There are a lot of details and questions to ask and address in that narrative, but what the host of the podcast keyed in on was Faith and where we are led by it.

There are ways we learn to follow God and have Faith. Good things, comfortable things and things that make our spiritual routine what it is. The things we are used to. But Faith is the one thing that pulls us out of those comfortable things and out of our routines, and I believe the reason the Faith pulls us out of those things is so we can have rebirth.

Abraham seeing God show up with a ram on the mountain is the type of spiritual rebirth Jesus talks about in the Christian Gospel narrative. The rebirth in the Spirit and Faith in the Spirit.

When Jesus sends out His followers to do share His Good News, Jesus says, “Don’t worry about what you’re going to say, the Spirit will provide.” Just as what Abraham experienced on the mountain, what we need is provided.

God will provide the sacrifice when you get there.
God will provide the words when you get there.
We don’t have to have it all figured it out.

And all this led me back to how important it is to not only have Faith, but to also tell your story and to seek out a story to tell that requires Faith so we can experience more of the Spirit of God showing up when we need it. That we should be able to have the freedom to do what Abraham did and go out on to a mountain with a belief, and have that belief fulfilled.

Abraham carried the belief of a good God, but it wasn’t until he got to the mountain that he saw that belief lived out. And when we do that ourselves and see Faith become Reality, then Reality changes.

-Cliff
Cliff’s Note: Never grow too old to seek out living a story that requires the Thing beyond oneself.

Leading with Light

I’ve never started a blog post off with a definition before, but I’m going to revert back to middle school on this one and kick it off with this from Merriam Webster.

Leader - “a powerful person who controls or influences what other people do : a person who leads a group, organization, country, etc.”

I’ve never looked up the definition of leader before, so I wasn’t sure what to expect. Honestly, I wasn’t expecting something that vague.

Growing up, we’re all taught that leaders are successful.
Leaders of the class.
Captains of the team.

The list goes on.

But the word “leader” alone leaves much to be desired. Sure, it’s a powerful person in control.
But what about the adjectives that should go alongside leader? The traits.

Good leader.
Team leader.
Brave leader.

The list goes on.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the type of leader I am and about the type of leader I want to be.

Right now, I’m not a very positive leader. I lean toward pessimism, and I that brings down the team I’m on.
Rather, I want to be a team builder, a contagiously positive leader, and I want to be a leader others look to as a source of sunshine.

Leaders are all around us, and as we are led, we can learn how we currently lead and how we want to lead. There is always a chance to grow, to learn and to lead.

-Cliff
Cliff’s Note: Lead with Light.

From a Name to a Regular

I met a man this morning who remembered my name.

After the gym, I went to get a quick breakfast before work from a new place Downtown. The place was actually old, but it was new to me.

I called ahead to pick up my order to go, and I gave the man my name over the phone. When I got there, he was occupied helping other customers, but he soon got to me and said, “Your order is coming right up, Austin.”

1) I have no idea how who knew who I was. 2) He remembered my name.

We talked for about 5 minutes while I was waiting for my food. He asked me where I worked, what I did and how long I had been in OKC. I asked him the same questions and asked why he loved his job.

He told me that he enjoyed getting to “meet the regulars.”

After that, my food was ready, so I paid and headed toward the door. As I opened it, he called out out, “See you later, Austin.”

And then it made sense why he has so many regulars.

-Cliff
Cliff’s Note: Knowing someone’s name is the first step in any meaningful relationship, business or not. Now I have to go back so I can get this man’s name.

Getting to Know Others (at 5a)

Yesterday, I went to a two-year anniversary party of the gym that I go to. There were about 20 people there, and I know most of them, at least casually. I know their names, where they work and a bit of their personalities, but I didn’t really know what any of them looked like outside of gym clothes. Everyone cleans up pretty well.

I typically go to the gym at 5a. I’m a morning person, and I would assume most of the other people there are morning people, too; however, even if you’re a morning person, you’re not necessarily a social morning person. Or i’m certainly not.

It’s hard to go out of one’s way at 5a to ask how they are, who they are and what they’re up to. It’s much easier to nod a hello in silence and move on with the workout.

But it’s also just hard to go out of one’s way at any time of the day to ask someone how they are, who they are and what they’re up to. And then to actually listen to them, hear them and learn about them.

We leave in a world that wears headphones and stares at screens instead of listening and looking into each others eyes. And if i’m fair, we’re still usually connecting through headphones and screens on socially media platforms, but we’re still missing something. We’re still missing the human element.

The gym I go to is Intentional Fitness. The entire concept is built on intentionality, with each rep, each breath, each workout, and I would expect, each hello. I need to be better at that, and I need to be better at actually knowing my 5a family and letting them know me.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: It’s never too early to say hello.

Finding Voice

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been told what to write. And if I wasn’t told specifically “what to write,” I was told how I should write something or what tone I should take.

That’s how learning to write works. There are formulas we’re given to follow to guarantee flow and success. There are topics we’re given to write on (though, I’m not sure how interesting any of them ever were). And there are voices we’re told to use when drafting text toward certain audiences.

This starts in first grade it it goes all the way until we become professionals in the work place.

But what happens when we’re given a blank slate? For instance, a blog, a social media platform or a simple blank piece of white paper.

What do we say? How do we say it? Do we use it for good, or do we use it for bad? Do we spread truth or do we spread lies? Who will see it? What will they think when they do see it?

These are questions, questions that make blank pages frightening and questions that make us scared to be ourselves or to say what we think. These are questions that keep us in check, but also limit creativity.

Finding one’s voice is hard. It’s hard when speaking and maybe even more while writing. There is a lot to fear, but there is also a lot to gain… and a lot to learn.

-Cliff
Cliff’s Note: How would you sound if no one was listening and what would you say? Start there and watch honesty develop.

Flaws, Imperfections and Becoming a Hero

I’ve got two bumps on my right hand’s middle finger. I have three on my left foot’s big toe. I’m not positive, but I’m pretty sure they’re all plantar warts.

Knowing that I have warts is upsetting.

As a kid, warts were some of the grossest of grossest things to have. Witches had them, after all, and if anyone saw that you had one on your hand, they wouldn’t touch you because, and I quote, “You will give me warts.” I think that’s probably true, because I’m pretty sure they’re contagious.

Ever since I was a kid, I’ve had flawed skin. I’ve suffered through warts, in-grown toenails, acne and worst of all, sweaty hands. My surface-level imperfections are not shy in hiding themselves, and they never have been.

But we all have our imperfections, and I’m convinced we’re all more aware of our own imperfections than of others. I always know what’s wrong with me, and what someone else may consider wrong with them, i’ve never even noticed.

Our minds are funny like that. Always focusing on our flaws and ‘what’s wrong with us.’ Trying to fix ourselves. Even trying to fix others. We are often drawn to the bad, rather than the good.

But imperfections, at least on the surface, make us who we are. They are unique to us and help us tell our story. They are things we overcome, and while they set us back from time to time, they also help us become the hero.

-Cliff
Cliff’s Note: Something must be overcome to become a hero in our story.

Like Boiling Water

Have you ever watched water boil? It’s faster than watching grass grow, and it’s at least a little bit more exciting.

Most people boil water with the lid on the pan they’re using because it’s faster. I typically like to boil water with the lid off because I like to watch the process happen… and also because I have the tendency to let the water boil over from time to time.

When I watch water boil with the lid off, I feel like I’m watching a reflection of how my emotions work.

The stove lights up and begins to heat the pot. The pan heats up and begins to heat the water. Slowly, but surely, bubbles begin to appear as the temperature of the water begins to rise. They come up from the bottom and pop at the surface until a rolling boil begins to occur.

It’s a slow process. It’s a somewhat boring process. It’s a process that can still make a mess.

As the boiling water roils, it splashes more and more the hotter it gets. It splashes more the fuller the pot is and creates an even bigger mess if you’re not paying attention to it.

And that’s how i have noticed my emotions tend to work. They start slow, and if someone is paying attention, they might notice some bubbles of how I’m feeling show up. But if I burn for too long on something, it gets messy.

That happened to me this morning on a call with my mom. Something had been simmering boiling for far too long, and it got messy. I overflowed, and things I had been keeping inside for far too long came to the surface.

Better late than never, but there has got to be a healthier way to do this. Maybe monitoring a boiling a pot with a lid on it is the way to do it. We’ll soon find out.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Boil water with a lid. The process is faster and less messy when under control.

Blank Page

It’s almost spooky season here in the states. Pretty soon, we’ll be thinking about all of the things that scare us. The Boogie Man. The dark. Spiders. Heights. Ghosts and the paranormal. All very scary things.

But I think I have a new greatest fear - the blank page.

The blank page is something I face every day, and every day it taunts me.

The blank page tells me not to look at it.
The blank page says time is running out.
The blank page tells me I’m not good enough.

And I believe we all have our own blank pages. We all have to write emails, tweets, social media posts and letters, and all of those start as blank slates. So in a way, we’re all facing my greatest fear. But maybe it doesn’t scare you like it does me. But I feel like it scares at lest some of you.

Maybe it’s copying and pasting old email text so you don’t have to draft a new one. Or maybe it’s using song lyrics for a caption instead of writing your own. Either way, it’s avoiding one of our greatest fears - the blank page.

But today, i’ll stand up to that fear. Today, i’m going to start emails from scratch and draft copy from my mind and not someone else’s. Today the blank page won’t be blank.

-Cliff

-Cliff’s Note: Be a blank page for Halloween and see who else you scare. Not to cause fear, but to not feel so alone.

Emotions, Harder Than They Sound

For someone who has been told I have a high EQ, it certainly doesn’t feel like it some days.

Emotions are rarely perfect, so I’ve never liked to show them much. Even when they are perfect, it a fleeting perfection.

Emotions are raw. They are true - a unique characteristic that takes what’s inside one’s soul and displays it outwardly, much like the body displays pain or gain when there’s sickness or health inside of it.

Emotions are not something I’m good at. Feeling things and outwardly expressing them has never been my forte. For a long time, I was taught to cover up what was inside. I suppose that was part of growing up being a man, where certain emotions aren’t supposed to be expressed. Which is the same case for a women, but probably worse. I don’t know how they do it. Or how I’m supposed to do it.

Part of me thinks I’m broken emotionally. Unable to express and feel fully the way that a normal person should. Not out of chemical imbalance, but instead out of fear. A self-inflicted flaw that I can’t stop harming myself with.

Today, I’m going to laugh more. I’m going to smile more. I’m going to be vulnerable. Maybe that’s a step toward emotional self-healing.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Let it out, whatever it is.

Masking Lies

There’s a quote from Star Wars that says, “Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and hate leads to suffering.”

If you’re unfamiliar with the trilogies, it is said by Yoda, a small, green Jedi Knight who is full of wisdom in his old age. I’ve always loved this quote. It’s one that my mind goes back to time and time again because I often find myself fearful. I lack self confidence.

Lately when I’ve been thinking about that quote, I’ve been reframing it to understand where my own fears take me. In my case, it’s not necessarily to the Dark Side, as it is in Star Wars, but it’s still to a dark place.

My fear leads to quiet, quiet leads to insecurity and insecurity leads to lying. Lying about how I’m feeling, what I’m thinking and who I am. Lying to myself. Lying to others. It’s not a healthy path, and it’s one that prevents me from showing emotion and empathy. 

That is not someone I want to be, “a liar.”

No one wants to be a liar, especially when you’re the only one who knows of the lie.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Selfish lying effects yourself and those closest to you - wearing a mask instead of a cape.

Small Talk

It’s ironic that something that’s supposed to make moments feel less awkward makes me feel more awkward. That something is small talk.

The weather.
Empty, “How are you?” questions with,
“I’m good,” answers.

These are the ebbs and flows of conversation that is somewhat meaningless. Conversation that allows us to slip past intentionality into apathetic thought. We make eye contact, nod along and show our respect in the physical, while our minds run elsewhere and our phones vibrate in our pocket.

Many factor keep us from real talk. Fear, time and trust are among them. But maybe the biggest culprit is habit. Small talk is what we do. We do it with our family, our friends and everyone we encounter in our daily routines. We rarely let anyone in and rarely does anyone return the favor. We are caught up in casualness.

It pains me to know I am unintentional, even with those closest to me. That I’d rather not think to give a valuable answer that reveals my true self or that I’d rather not ask a meaningful question to know someone better. Today’s goal is to change that narrative. One conversation at a time.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Don’t settle for small talk; Use it as a road to real talk.

Affirmation & Authority

“I never knew what I wanted to do when it was time for me to go to college.”

That could be the cry of the millennial generation, but it could also be true. It was for me.

Growing up, I rarely knew what I was good at. I felt affirmation through sport, but that was just about it. Rarely did I ever hear anything about excelling in a particular subject in school, and without that affirmation, i felt a lack of ability to capitalize on any certain subject or career field when it came time to move on to university.

I lacked authority, affirmation and acknowledgment.

This morning, I was reading about the time Jesus first called his 12 disciples together to send them out. It caught my attention that before giving them instructions on what to do, He gave them authority to do it. He instilled them with authority and power in who they were and who they were created to be. That felt important, and it felt like something I have lacked in my own life from teachers in the past.

Maybe you feel the same way, maybe you don’t, but whatever side of authority you sit in, use it to encourage, affirm and equip someone today. It could change a life and a future.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Share authority. Give Purpose.

Emotional Masking

Today at the gym, we were told to count how many rounds of an exercise set we could get through in 15 minutes. The goal was to get nine.

Personally, I’m terrible at math, and counting is a part of math, so rarely can I keep track of counting anything, much less counting for 15 minutes. When time expired, the coach asked me how many rounds I completed, and I told him I didn’t know. He said it looked like I was working hard, so he gave me a 13. A fair number, but probably lower than what I actually completed. But after he gave me my number, it set the bar for everyone else in the class to beat it, which they did, and that really bothered me.

I call those emotions competitiveness and pride, and one is better than the other.

But if there’s one thing I don’t show, it’s emotion.

No one in the gym this morning would have been able to tell that my pride had a grip on me and that I wanted to be the best. I masked it with the quiet, calm face that I always have on, and I didn’t say anything.

And I am glad I didn’t because pride isn’t always the best emotion to show, especially in cases that don’t really matter, like this morning at the gym. The real problem comes because I tend to mask all my emotions.

Happy. Sad. Angry. Anxious. It doesn’t matter, there’s a mask for that.

And I believe that’s something we can all relate to. We are all masters of masking something.

Forgiveness. Empathy. Doubt. Fear. These are other emotions we mask.

Showing emotion takes courage, especially when that emotion is called for and needed most. Which one are you masking?

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Show some life.

Giving Our Gifts

The other day, I was at a dinner party with some friends, all of whom are entrepreneurs. They’re a talented group of men and women, having started four businesses in three years, and they’re all under the age of 30. It’s impressive what they’ve done.

Over the course of the meal, they begin asking me (as they always do) about my own work, how it’s going and what i’m pursuing in my down time. Everyone asks how work is going, but few people ask what you’re pursuing in your down time to chase your dreams.

The entrepreneurial spirit is a special one. It is a spirit of courage, boldness, hard work and belief, doing whatever it takes to get things done. And I admire that trait in my friends so much because it’s one I often don’t see in myself often.

I like self confidence to pursue my dreams, go out on my own and try to grind to make it work. I fall into wanting security and stability, without the grind that entrepreneurs sometimes face. But I also envy what my friends have and look up to them as they never stop encouraging me to pursue my own dreams. And I think that’s important.

It’s a blessing to have friends surround you that see your gifts, talents and abilities and tell you to not waste them, but to use them because people need them. And that’s across the board, for me and for you.

Our gifts are gifts to others.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Give gifts.

Dying Earth

I grew up around a farm in Southwest Oklahoma. As a kid, I was surrounded by livestock, pasture and ponds teaming with fish, frogs, snacks and turtles. Nature was all around me.

I always loved the smell of the fresh hay stacks after a summer rain and feeling the warm, cool air rush past my skin with the gentle breezes that would blow across the fields.

But now, I’m told that all of these things are in danger, and until this morning, I’ve never taken those messages seriously or given them much thought.

I stumbled upon a podcast today from a theologian in the northern United States. He talks a lot about caring for our earth and how its changing, getting warmer and warmer each year due to what humanity has done to it. Apparently our fracking, drilling, burning and usage is doing harm, and one day, all of those things I grew up loving, have a chance to be gone for good or changed forever. And I don’t want that to happen.

I’m not sure what I can do to help, but I’m happy to at least be more aware. To have listened, heard and begin to understand what’s unfolding. That’s step one. We’ll see what step two is.

-Cliff
Cliff’s Note: God created the heavens and the earth, and they were good.

Leadership Fears

There are certain things adults don’t warn you about as you’re growing up. Things like how hard it is to save and buy your first home, holding down a steady career, being confident in who you are and taxes. Another thing you don’t hear much about is how scary it is to be a leader.

As a kid, it seemed like there were certain, natural leaders who rose to the top. Those were the kids that everyone was naturally drawn to, the kids who had a little group following them around the playground, whether it was because they were good looking, popular, athletic, smart, etc. Naturally being a leader always looked easy.

But as you grow up, and one has to learn to lead, things get scary. Like when you’re put in a management role for the first time, or if you’re charged to lead a family, you begin to think through things differently.

What if no one follows me?
What if I lead down the wrong path?
What if I fail?
What if I hurt someone?
What if I say the wrong thing?

Leadership is scary, and it carries a weight of responsibility, no matter what the role is. And there’s always a risk for failing.

But since when have the good things in life been easy?

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Be a leader in the good, and keep leading when things go bad.

Story Elements

As I’ve been writing more and more, I’ve also been trying to understand the format of storytelling and the components that make it up: Hero, Problem, Guide, Plan, Action, Failure, Success, Resolution - to name a few.

All good stories have pieces of these components in them, no matter how long the story may be. Even a simple, social media caption can contain these elements to create something compelling. Blogs probably should too, but often mine can lack that due to the style I present. But still, story. It resounds all around us.

We live our lives, and our lives contain these pieces. That’s what makes us all interesting and all worth listening to. We have story. We are story. We live story.
How will you tell it?

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: We all have something inside of us to communicate to a world waiting to hear it.

Typing & Scrolling

A blank page is a scary thing to look at in the morning.

It’s a daunting sign of the task at hand. It shows there is work to be done. Work sorting through thoughts, making decisions and putting oneself inside out for the world to see.

A blank page is not often a friend, but rather a challenger, asking you, “Will you rise to the occasion?”

It’s in that moment that a choice must be made - to start typing, or to turn ones attention elsewhere, to start scrolling.

Typing consists of putting thoughts into order and making sense of them. Scrolling perceives others’ thoughts in no particular order. One is easier than the other, yet there is a time for both, because even in order to scroll, you have to type.

What’s in your head is good enough. It doesn’t have to come out perfectly; it just has to come out, one word at a time. Sort out the results later.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Get the words out.

Vulnerability

If you were to look at the inside of my right, upper arm, you would see the face of a polar bear, a tattoo that I got a few years ago when I was living in Tulsa.

As an endangered species, the polar bear is a symbol of vulnerability, something that is scary to me. But i got that tattoo as a constant reminder of why it’s important to be vulnerable. Sure, it can leave you exposed and in danger of being hurt, but it can also lead to being known, cared for and loved.

A part of being vulnerable that I struggle with is being unknowing. It feels like much of my life is living in a state of unknown and guesswork, but the more I experience life, the more it feels like that’s just the nature of being an adult, trying things out with uncertainty and being okay with the truth that not all things will work out.

It’s vulnerable to admit you don’t know everything. It’s vulnerable to ask for help. It’s vulnerable to be at the mercy of the unknown and someone else’s expertise. But there’s always good in that. There’s growth, learning and opportunity.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Vulnerability makes a stronger.

Making Friends

Making friends has always been hard for me. The process feels like entering an ice-cold swimming pool on hot summer day. I know the water is going to feel great after I get in, but the action of actually getting into the pool takes a little while.

I always study the water at first, debating whether or not I want to dive headfirst into the deep end or take it slow, easing into knee-deep depths, and finally, after the water gets past my belly button, being able to fully submerge.

There are a lot of people who take the alternate route, as well, diving headfirst into the water without any thought at all. And sometimes, I wish that were me. It certainly looks cooler than entering a pool the same way most children under the age of five enter one.

I often wish the headfirst approach was more my style when it comes to forming friendships, too - Avoiding the awkward song and dance of debating whether or not to approach someone and introduce myself, but instead walking straight up to a stranger or group of strangers, thrusting out a sweaty right hand in confidence for a handshake and introductions. Nonetheless, I’m a slow-wader, and not only do slow-waders need time to meet people and form friendships, we need even more time to find roommates and even more time to be-friend those roommates, rather than just treating them like roommates.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Dive or don’t.