For someone who has been told I have a high EQ, it certainly doesn’t feel like it some days.
Emotions are rarely perfect, so I’ve never liked to show them much. Even when they are perfect, it a fleeting perfection.
Emotions are raw. They are true - a unique characteristic that takes what’s inside one’s soul and displays it outwardly, much like the body displays pain or gain when there’s sickness or health inside of it.
Emotions are not something I’m good at. Feeling things and outwardly expressing them has never been my forte. For a long time, I was taught to cover up what was inside. I suppose that was part of growing up being a man, where certain emotions aren’t supposed to be expressed. Which is the same case for a women, but probably worse. I don’t know how they do it. Or how I’m supposed to do it.
Part of me thinks I’m broken emotionally. Unable to express and feel fully the way that a normal person should. Not out of chemical imbalance, but instead out of fear. A self-inflicted flaw that I can’t stop harming myself with.
Today, I’m going to laugh more. I’m going to smile more. I’m going to be vulnerable. Maybe that’s a step toward emotional self-healing.
-Cliff
Cliff’s Note: Let it out, whatever it is.