Masking Lies

There’s a quote from Star Wars that says, “Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and hate leads to suffering.”

If you’re unfamiliar with the trilogies, it is said by Yoda, a small, green Jedi Knight who is full of wisdom in his old age. I’ve always loved this quote. It’s one that my mind goes back to time and time again because I often find myself fearful. I lack self confidence.

Lately when I’ve been thinking about that quote, I’ve been reframing it to understand where my own fears take me. In my case, it’s not necessarily to the Dark Side, as it is in Star Wars, but it’s still to a dark place.

My fear leads to quiet, quiet leads to insecurity and insecurity leads to lying. Lying about how I’m feeling, what I’m thinking and who I am. Lying to myself. Lying to others. It’s not a healthy path, and it’s one that prevents me from showing emotion and empathy. 

That is not someone I want to be, “a liar.”

No one wants to be a liar, especially when you’re the only one who knows of the lie.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Selfish lying effects yourself and those closest to you - wearing a mask instead of a cape.

Nature's Colors

Have you ever noticed how each time of day has its own color scheme?

The afternoon has it blinding, bright whites and yellows. The evenings have their warm oranges, purples, laced with deep blues. And the morning has it’s shimmering, light golds, muted whites and low blues.

This morning, the sun is coming through my window. The gold light is dancing between the tree branches, reflecting the muted greens of leaves and casting light to the shadowed browns of tree bark.

The morning is probably my favorite light. It’s the light I chase the most. It seems to bring me the most peace. I don’t think i’ve ever regretted getting up for a sunrise, and if I knew I were to die tomorrow, I’d want to make sure I got to see one more before I departed earth.

It’s amazing what the colors of nature can bring. Whether you’re spiritual or not, they bring their own spiritual experience to any moment, and the world would be bleak without them. Colorless.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Don’t forget sunrise. The best entertainment. It’s new every day.

A Prayer of a Human

What is it to be human?

SOUL
Stuck in a sack of meat and bone

MIND
Out of control

BODY
Exposed and vulnerable

From infant to son to man,
growing and adapting,
learning and influenced,
so much out of our own will.

God, save me. Save us.
Be our God and Savior.
The King of our souls, minds and bodies.

- Cliff

Cliff’s Note: A prayer does not fall deaf on a living God.

Power

This life is not about power.
It is, in the sense that those in power control it, but it is not in the sense that power is fleeting.

Money is power, and money changes hands.
Strength is power, and strength grows old.
Fame is power, and fame fades.

One day, the last will be first, and the first will be last. That day may be a death bed, but it is a Truth we hold to as power corrupts and while the. mean suffer.

Yet may there be unity in our weakness, as two are stronger than one, and as there is power in being together.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Do not seek power here, but see power in the creation that is around you, and let that power leave you in awe of the Eternal.

Stuff

I have a lot of stuff.

I have stuff on shelves, stuff in cabinets and stuff tucked away in closets.

Some stuff has been used before, but won’t be used again. Some stuff is used often. Some stuff will never see the light of day, until it’s time to move it from one place to another. It’s just kept around for keeping.

My stuff isn’t to the level of some. I don’t have a storage unit full of things representing a past life, and at this point, our attic is empty. Yet, I still have so much. Some would say too much. And I know I have a lot when I have to use the word “stuff” instead of specifics.

I was looking at all of this stuff this morning after I read about one of the richest men on earth coming face to face with his Creator. The wealthy man, perfect by anyone else’s optics, asked what he needed to do to inherit eternity. His Creator told him he had to give his wealth of accumulations away to the poor and to follow the Creator toward a new life of freedom from possessions and worldly stability. Upon hearing the news, the man wept and went away because he couldn’t give it up.

And I wonder if I would also be that man.

How tightly do I cling to things? My stuff.
The stuff on my shelves?
The stuff in my cabinets?
The stuff in my closet?

Could I give it away if the Creator of the world stood toe to toe with me and asked me to give it all up?
Could you?

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: ‘Hold on loosely’ to the things of earth, but how in my heart when it has no hands, but instead has soul-ties, which seem to cling ever-more tightly.

Off One's Game

Do you ever analyze the life of a celebrity and realize it’s just not their week? Maybe its an athlete who’s off their game or an actor making headlines for all of the wrong reasons over and over again. Truth be told, that’s how my week has felt. It’s felt off.

It’s Friday and ever since Monday, I’ve only gone to the gym once, written twice and read here and there. I haven’t made any progress on a book I’m working on, and work has been a blur of events, leaving little time to actually get real things accomplished.

But a lot of that ‘productivity’ that I’m missing is personally selfish.
My book. My work. My workouts.

On the other side of things, it’s been productive.

My wife’s birthday was this week, so we spent a lot of time celebrating her, which has been tremendous. The events at work have been put on for others to enjoy. I had to have some minor foot surgery, taking me out of the gym for a little while. All great things that need to be done, but all things that take away selfish motives.

This week has bee a good reminder that the world doesn’t revolve around me. It has reminded me how important certain rituals are in feeling ‘put together’ and productive. It has also been a reminder that change is good.

So, when you feel off your game, is it because you are out of ritual, pouring out to others or maybe something else?

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Feeling off isn’t always off.

Small Talk

It’s ironic that something that’s supposed to make moments feel less awkward makes me feel more awkward. That something is small talk.

The weather.
Empty, “How are you?” questions with,
“I’m good,” answers.

These are the ebbs and flows of conversation that is somewhat meaningless. Conversation that allows us to slip past intentionality into apathetic thought. We make eye contact, nod along and show our respect in the physical, while our minds run elsewhere and our phones vibrate in our pocket.

Many factor keep us from real talk. Fear, time and trust are among them. But maybe the biggest culprit is habit. Small talk is what we do. We do it with our family, our friends and everyone we encounter in our daily routines. We rarely let anyone in and rarely does anyone return the favor. We are caught up in casualness.

It pains me to know I am unintentional, even with those closest to me. That I’d rather not think to give a valuable answer that reveals my true self or that I’d rather not ask a meaningful question to know someone better. Today’s goal is to change that narrative. One conversation at a time.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Don’t settle for small talk; Use it as a road to real talk.

Reflections from Matthew 16

Though we are Loved,
we are not perfect.

Though we are Disciplined,
we are not hated.

In God’s eyes,
we are worth the work.

In human eyes,
we give up on each other.

We may never understand our Creator’s view.
We are limited by our human nature.
But may the Creator help us in our greatest need:
May we see one another through Creation’s eyes.

-Cliff
Cliff’s Note: Perspective is almost everything.

Tired

When I am tired, what will I do? What will I say to myself? What will I say to God?

When death takes life.
When I’m sinking.
When I am out of food.

I will call on the Name of the Lord. I will tell Him my needs, and I will find peace in my time with Him. He will tell me He is enough.

He has mourned with me.
He gives me strength to stand.
He feeds me and provides for all of our needs.

Amen.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: I am tired, and so was He
Reflections on the book of Matthew from chapter 14.

The Cosmos of Relationships

Relationships are hard to predict.

Some you are born into without a choice. You can’t choose your parents, just as they often can’t choose you.

And no one is really in charge of all the other loves, friendships and acquaintances that make life dynamic. But it seems like those unexpected relationships are where family and unity happen. They can be unnatural and awkward, but they can also turn into the most natural and restful.

It would seem relationships are a small glimpse into the cosmos we all live in. They are a proof that beauty and order can come out of messiness and chaos.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Look to the Cosmos as you look to your Friends.

Oppression Pains

My heart is heavy this morning.

I’ve been reading about how the country of Afghanistan was taken over by the Taliban, seemingly over night.

I don’t know much about the Taliban, other than it’s a Muslim group.

I also don’t know much about the situation, except that for the last 20 years, American has been in Afghanistan, ever since Sept. 11, 2001. I don’t know if we have been bringing war to that country over that score of years, or if we have been bringing peace, but America has been there, and now that American is not there, the Taliban is once in control.

Maybe that’s what the country wants. Maybe Afghanistan wants to be run and governed by people from the East, not the West. But maybe they don’t. Does the Taliban bring oppression? Or do they promote freedom? All I can read is the American-side of the story, which seems bleak.

It’s strange how something so far removed from oneself can have such an emotional impact. I remember when my country moved into Afghanistan. I was in fourth grade, and 9/11 had just happened. From my perspective, we went over to help the people after the Taliban inflicted much damage in America. But who knows if that’s how they people saw it.

All I know is, my heart hurts for oppression, and my prayer is that these people will not be oppressed under this new leadership. My hope is not in American justice, or that America always has the right answer and executes it in all the right ways. My hope is in a God of justice and that one day we will all be free from oppression, war and pain.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: We do not always know what is best or what is right, but hope in what is True and what is in Love.

Breaking Free From Phones

As I sit here with my fingers on the keyboard, my eyes are not looking at the screen. Not because I’m a great typer, but because they are glued to another screen. They are glued to my cellphone.

Cellphones are mesmerizing. They light up, buzz and make sounds, and their presence alone always leaves you waiting in anticipation for when it will go into action next. And while cellphones are fascinating, I sort of hate them for it.

I hate that mine always steals my attention away from other, more important things. My cellphone steals my vision away from work, from conversations and from people. It doesn’t even have to be lit up to do so; it can simply sit next to me on the table or in my pocket, and I’m distracted by its presence, the weight of it weighing me down, mentally more than physically.

I want to focus, but i’m distracted. I want to ignore the dopamine hits, but they continue to produce. I want to be unconnected, but the world requires connection.

Can we break free?

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Today and the next, I will leave my phone behind, not for the day in its entirety, but long enough to break away from the control this device has over me.

Potential

I have a haircut scheduled for today at noon. I’m going to a new barber at an old shop because my old barber stopped working there.

My old barber had some personal issues come up that somewhat wrecked his life. He lost a marriage, the rights to see his kids every day and two jobs all in a matter of four weeks, and because of that, he has fallen off the grid. As anyone would be after all of that, he’s in a dark spot. He isn’t communicating with anyone, he’s making rash decisions, and he isn’t at all himself.

I made a decision to stop going my old barber because in all of that turmoil, he became unreliable, and I got frustrated.

In his pain, I was impatient. He couldn’t meet me when I wanted, time after time, so I went somewhere else, and I sit here wondering if that has been the wrong decision. Did I stop giving him a chance to redeem himself? Did I stop seeing all of the good work he had done for me for more than two years? Did I stop seeing his potential to overcome adversity?

People have potential. Even in our darkest times, we rise, work and have the opportunity to turn to light and goodness. And I hope my old barber digs deep and finds that potential, and that I have grace to see that in him and the world around me too.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: God sees more in people than people see in people - humanity’s potential.

Affirmation & Authority

“I never knew what I wanted to do when it was time for me to go to college.”

That could be the cry of the millennial generation, but it could also be true. It was for me.

Growing up, I rarely knew what I was good at. I felt affirmation through sport, but that was just about it. Rarely did I ever hear anything about excelling in a particular subject in school, and without that affirmation, i felt a lack of ability to capitalize on any certain subject or career field when it came time to move on to university.

I lacked authority, affirmation and acknowledgment.

This morning, I was reading about the time Jesus first called his 12 disciples together to send them out. It caught my attention that before giving them instructions on what to do, He gave them authority to do it. He instilled them with authority and power in who they were and who they were created to be. That felt important, and it felt like something I have lacked in my own life from teachers in the past.

Maybe you feel the same way, maybe you don’t, but whatever side of authority you sit in, use it to encourage, affirm and equip someone today. It could change a life and a future.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Share authority. Give Purpose.

Creator

This morning, I was reading about how the Creator desires mercy and desires for Creation to know the Creator more than anything - more than judgement, more than sacrifice, and more than rules or laws. As I sit here reflecting on that, I can’t help but notice how beautiful and peaceful that truth is.

I often get caught up in following the rules, myself. As a perfectionist, I find myself always wanting to color inside the lines. I find myself longing to be right, to be perfect.

But that is not our greatest calling.

Our greatest calling is to know our Creator, and that calling changes us all, all in different ways, just as we all get to know our Creator in different ways. And in our differences, we are somehow all drawn to the same Creator.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: It is strange how the Creator’s creation cannot know much at al about the Creator, but the more we learn, the more we grow.

Beauty in Difference

Humanity can be ugly, but isn’t it also beautiful?

I’ve been thinking a lot about how wonderful it is that no one looks the same. Not only are our races different, but also our faces, shapes and attributes. And that’s just on the physical side. We are possibly even more different on the inside, in soul and mind, than we are on the outside in flesh and bone.

When we were formed by our Creator, we were not formed lazily. We were not made as products are made on an assembly line, but instead, we were each made complexly. Our cells and our souls are unlike anyone else’s in time, past, present or future.

Humanity can often see these differences as dangerous and threatening, rather than unique and uniting. Don’t miss out on the beauty we were created to be as One Creation.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Red, yellow, black, white, tall, short, skinny, big, smart, funny, active, studious, bold or bashful - we are different, and that is incredible.

Agreeing to Disagree

I often find myself looking at the world around me saying, “I wish we could all work together. No one seems to agree on anything anymore.”

You probably have the same thoughts when you look at the world around you. Everyone is “doing it wrong,” and fighting about the right way to do it, whatever “it” is. And at this point in human history, this is to be expected. There are so many of us, each with our own ideas, beliefs and frameworks, but there are few ideas, beliefs and frameworks that are cohesive across the board.

I specifically struggle with this when I think about how many churches there, each with its own set of doctrine, belief and denominational affiliation. But the other day, I heard a quote that made me feel better.

“Disagreement and arguing are bound to happen when something is open to all, truly, all people. The rich and the poor. The black and the white. The left and the right. The American and the European. People who are hesitant and skeptical and people who are bold and confident. Those hungry to learn and those learned and knowledgable.”

Christianity, and all religion, are big. They are movements dealing with individual souls and beliefs, and we are but humans, while God sits on His thrown, in control and above all. Amen.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Unity is hard when movements are large.

Road Trips with Dad

As a kid, my dad used to take me to work with him in the summers. He didn’t have a normal, office job. My dad worked for an insurance company, and he traveled all over the state inspecting the buildings his company insured, making sure they were all up to ‘code.’ In my eyes, it was one of the coolest jobs a dad could have because it seemed like he was pretty much his own boss.

I looked forward to the trips we took every year. We would leave early in the morning, make 10-15 stops throughout the day (one of which would always be for a hamburger at lunch), and we would always stay in a hotel afterward, capping off the day with a swim in the pool, seeing a movie or going to a park to wind down the evening. They were some of the best summer memories.

Over the years, my dad spent as much time on the road as a semi-truck driver, maybe more, and I’m grateful I got to spend at least a few of those millions of miles with him. My dad taught me to love the long drives and the roads that take us places. He taught me patience and simplicity, some of life’s greatest lessons.

There’s beauty in the irony of this hot summer day, now fully grown. I am sitting in my own office, watching the traffic go by on the road he used to take to work every Monday morning, imagining myself sitting right next to him again, listening to the radio, watching the cars go by and casually listening to the stories he had to tell.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Don’t write-off road trips; they’re often full of more memories than miles.

Green

I am green. My youth haunts me and leaves me with a lack of life experience.
But I want to be evergreen. My desire for wisdom drives me and raises questions.

I want to stand out, as we all do. I want to make a difference, to help others, to be a bright spot in a cloudy world. I want to be the change that I desire for the world, and I want to leave people with a good taste in their mouth after they spend time with me. I want them to fill recharged, rested and known.

These wants are good; they are true. But still, I am green. My lack of wisdom keeps me from being who I want to be, not all the time, but some times.

And one day, we’ll all be evergreen, all the time.

-Cliff

Cliff’s note: Be light, be salt, be evergreen.

Broken Systems

My skin is white. The body it coats having only drawn breath for 29 years.
What could the mind inside this body truly know?

The eyes my body holds have only seen small corners of the world that my feet walk on.
My head has only rested in the smallest of towns and cities, where simplicity sleeps.

I am young, inexperienced and too privileged for my own good.
Others are old, worn down and have only experienced oppression.

Why is the world we were both born into built to systematically always have a winner and a loser?
When will the loser taste winning?
Why is the loser set-up to lose time and time again, while one win changes a life?

This is the world we live in. It was built on blood, broken systems, sweat and sacrifice.
Not all bad. Not all brave. But all true.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Hear the cry of injustice and do not ignore it. Start there.