Keystrokes

I’m typing on a keyboard.
I’m typing on a keyboard to create.

As I create, I type.
As I type, I leave fingerprints.

I leave fingerprints on they keys I touch.
I leave thought-prints on the words I leave behind.

I wonder if that’s a bit how it worked when we were created, if you believe in that sort of thing.

If our Creator left small fingerprints from himself behind on each of us as we were created. None of us receiving the some prints, strokes or thoughts. All created a little differently. Some of us with a little bit more of this and some of us with a little bit more of that.

I’m not sure how many fingers our thoughts our Creator has. Probably too many to count on each of my own hands. But I’d like to think that as we were created, it was expected that we were created differently. That we were created to be a part of something bigger than ourselves. That disagreeing among us all was expected, but that it was all in order to be created for everyone. The skeptics and the hesitant, and the bold and the confident. Those hungry to learn and those who are learned. That we were all Created, and now we are all Here.

-Cliff
Cliff’s Note: Different is needed, and we were made with that hardwired into our system. To grow, to learn and to reflect our Creator.

Walking in on Intimacy

I stopped off for gas this morning before work. It was around 6:45a, and the sun hadn’t come up yet in Oklahoma City. As I pulled up to the pump, I noticed two elderly women holding one another at the pump next to me. They were weeping.

As I got out of my car to fill up my tank, I began to overhear glimpses of what the two women were emotional about. They were old friends, who hadn’t seen one another in years, and one of them was dying.

When I punched in the zip code from my credit card, I heard the healthy friend telling her sick friend to call her any time and how good it was to see her after all the years that I had passed.

The title of this blog may have led you to believe it would be about something else. But intimacy is all around us, and it knows no boundaries. Intimacy is a word that we often associate only with sex, but it’s so much more than that. Intimacy is closeness, emotion, openness and vulnerability, and it’s found in the little moments of relationships all around us.

Parents and their children.
Couples.
Long lost friends.

Intimacy is precious. It is a gift, and something we should not take for granted to notice. Even when walking in on it unexpectedly.

-Cliff
Cliff’s Note: Find intimacy in the world around you, and life will be more beautiful.

Trading Meals for Miracles

In ancient Hebrew, birthright was everything. It was status, it was promise, it was the future for you and your family. And it was probably a lot more than that, but I’m not a Hebrew scholar, so I’ll stop there.

There’s a story in Hebrew about a promised son who sold his birthright to his younger brother.
His price?
A single meal.

The older brother wasn’t starved or in any real need. He was simply longing for present comforts instead of future promises.

I relate to this story. How many times a week do I sacrifice a future promise for current comforts?
Multiple. Probably daily.

This plays out in a number of ways.
Spending money now that I should save for later.
Saying something now instead of waiting ‘till a better moment.
Sleeping now instead of working hard.

It happens in more ways than those, of course, but I can’t help but feel like that older brother must have felt, especially in retrospect (which is everything, isn’t it?).

-Cliff
Cliff’s Note: Future promises often outweigh current comforts.

Getting to Know Others (at 5a)

Yesterday, I went to a two-year anniversary party of the gym that I go to. There were about 20 people there, and I know most of them, at least casually. I know their names, where they work and a bit of their personalities, but I didn’t really know what any of them looked like outside of gym clothes. Everyone cleans up pretty well.

I typically go to the gym at 5a. I’m a morning person, and I would assume most of the other people there are morning people, too; however, even if you’re a morning person, you’re not necessarily a social morning person. Or i’m certainly not.

It’s hard to go out of one’s way at 5a to ask how they are, who they are and what they’re up to. It’s much easier to nod a hello in silence and move on with the workout.

But it’s also just hard to go out of one’s way at any time of the day to ask someone how they are, who they are and what they’re up to. And then to actually listen to them, hear them and learn about them.

We leave in a world that wears headphones and stares at screens instead of listening and looking into each others eyes. And if i’m fair, we’re still usually connecting through headphones and screens on socially media platforms, but we’re still missing something. We’re still missing the human element.

The gym I go to is Intentional Fitness. The entire concept is built on intentionality, with each rep, each breath, each workout, and I would expect, each hello. I need to be better at that, and I need to be better at actually knowing my 5a family and letting them know me.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: It’s never too early to say hello.

Loving Others

Loving others is an action, and beyond that, it is an action that sometimes requires strategy. Loving others strategically can take several forms. It can also look both good and not so good.

Loving others looks good when strategic relationships are formed.
Loving others looks good when we ask intentional questions.
Loving others looks good when we listen intently to someone’s answers.

Loving others looks bad when we use others as means to an end.
Loving others looks bad when we have an agenda behind our actions.
Loving others looks bad when we only love for selfish gain.

Loving others well and building relationships takes thought, time and effort. Just as in marriage or any real friendship, we cannot love simply based on our feelings, and beyond that, actions will only take us so far. It’s our questions, our listening, our patience and our understanding of one another’s differences that will take our relationships with others beyond action and into walking with them through life, side by side.

-Cliff
Cliff’s Note: I don’t know if all of this is accurate, but it feels like there may be some truth to it. Love takes strategy.

Doing Wrong, Hoping for Right

A man on the street corner begs for food.
A truth exists, but a lie sounds better.
A word that hurts sounds better than a word that brings peace.

There’s a chapter in the book of Romans that talks about doing things we don’t want to do and not doing things we do want to do. That concept is mind-numbingly true. And it’s also one of the most frustrating things about being in the human experience.

Days come and go, and as they do, so do the choices that come with them. Choices to do good or to do bad, both to myself and to others. Yet often times, I find myself making the wrong choices instead of the right ones, all the while living in a sense of regret, post choice.

Instances speak to our failures.
We are haunted by ‘what ifs’ after it’s too late.
We apologize and ask for forgivness.

This is the experience of sin, of being broken in a world that was made to be Whole. We make mistakes, and we have to live with those mistakes. Thankfully, there are opportunities for a Hope Greater than ourselves.

-Cliff
Cliff’s Note: With each mistake and wishful undoing, there is a chance for grace and forgiveness, which should only bring us closer to Eternity.

Finding Voice

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been told what to write. And if I wasn’t told specifically “what to write,” I was told how I should write something or what tone I should take.

That’s how learning to write works. There are formulas we’re given to follow to guarantee flow and success. There are topics we’re given to write on (though, I’m not sure how interesting any of them ever were). And there are voices we’re told to use when drafting text toward certain audiences.

This starts in first grade it it goes all the way until we become professionals in the work place.

But what happens when we’re given a blank slate? For instance, a blog, a social media platform or a simple blank piece of white paper.

What do we say? How do we say it? Do we use it for good, or do we use it for bad? Do we spread truth or do we spread lies? Who will see it? What will they think when they do see it?

These are questions, questions that make blank pages frightening and questions that make us scared to be ourselves or to say what we think. These are questions that keep us in check, but also limit creativity.

Finding one’s voice is hard. It’s hard when speaking and maybe even more while writing. There is a lot to fear, but there is also a lot to gain… and a lot to learn.

-Cliff
Cliff’s Note: How would you sound if no one was listening and what would you say? Start there and watch honesty develop.

Highs & Lows

To sit with someone. To ask them questions. To hear them. To make them feel known.
Especially those who feel the most unknown.

Those are words i’ve been looking for. I’ve been trying to describe my passion and what I like to do. That task has proven easier said than done, but last night, my wife and I were laying in bed talking with the lights off while falling asleep, and she said those words to me, as I tried and failed again to find them myself.

There’s a lot of goodness in being able to inhale and exhale, while the person you love most speaks truth into you. I think we all crave moments like that. They are moments we live for, and they seem to happen when we least expect it.

But sometimes life sucks. A lot of the time it feels that way. Whether you’re searching for a passion and trying to find your ‘why,’ or if you’re feeling alone and like you don’t even have a person to speak truth into you. Those are the low moments that always seem to outweigh the high ones. But i’m here to say that there are high moments. Even in a life full of lows, there’s always highs. Maybe it’s a smile from a stranger or a breeze at just the right moment, there is still grace. For today and for tomorrow.

-Cliff
Cliff’s Note: Sometimes we’re meant to close our eyes and feel grace because sometimes we can’t see it.

Flaws, Imperfections and Becoming a Hero

I’ve got two bumps on my right hand’s middle finger. I have three on my left foot’s big toe. I’m not positive, but I’m pretty sure they’re all plantar warts.

Knowing that I have warts is upsetting.

As a kid, warts were some of the grossest of grossest things to have. Witches had them, after all, and if anyone saw that you had one on your hand, they wouldn’t touch you because, and I quote, “You will give me warts.” I think that’s probably true, because I’m pretty sure they’re contagious.

Ever since I was a kid, I’ve had flawed skin. I’ve suffered through warts, in-grown toenails, acne and worst of all, sweaty hands. My surface-level imperfections are not shy in hiding themselves, and they never have been.

But we all have our imperfections, and I’m convinced we’re all more aware of our own imperfections than of others. I always know what’s wrong with me, and what someone else may consider wrong with them, i’ve never even noticed.

Our minds are funny like that. Always focusing on our flaws and ‘what’s wrong with us.’ Trying to fix ourselves. Even trying to fix others. We are often drawn to the bad, rather than the good.

But imperfections, at least on the surface, make us who we are. They are unique to us and help us tell our story. They are things we overcome, and while they set us back from time to time, they also help us become the hero.

-Cliff
Cliff’s Note: Something must be overcome to become a hero in our story.

They Said

They said, “Here’s your trophy.”
I didn’t win anything. In fact, I got last place.

They said, “You can be whatever you want to be.”
I’ve tried, and I’ve failed.

They said, “You can change the world.”
The world has probably changed me more than I have changed it.

We grow up with expectations. We’re told one thing, and then life tells us something else in the form of reality.

For the select few, it all works out. Those who meet the right people, make enough money or have that special drive that the hardest workers in our have.

But for the rest?

Life is hard. It often feels directionless, empty and lonely. It can lack support and spirit, and it often leaves us with more questions than answers.

Life says a lot of things, but that doesn’t mean we have to listen. Life gives us time, though we never know how much, and there’s never a minute guaranteed, it doesn’t mean we can't use that time to keep trying. To keep asking questions and keep seeking answers.

-Cliff
Cliff’s Note: When life says, “You’re stuck,” ask it, “Am I really?” and test it with the time you’re given by the Lord above. Maybe you’ll get a real trophy at the end.

Measured Time

Time is strange.

What it does to us and to the world around us.

Some things age. Some things stay the same.

The cycles it brings and the linear nature of history, both at the same time.

I was thinking about time a lot this weekend. I saw family friends admitted to the hospital, and I also saw friends I used to go to school with become new teachers at the school we used to go to.

The circle of life.

A trip around the sun.

A new season.

Time goes by many things, and it’s measured by just as many. Suns, moons, days, months, years, all documented on clocks, calendars and the lines on our faces.

And as we measure it, we all wonder the same thing. Where does it go?

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: “Time keeps on slippin’ away.” - Steve Miller

Like Boiling Water

Have you ever watched water boil? It’s faster than watching grass grow, and it’s at least a little bit more exciting.

Most people boil water with the lid on the pan they’re using because it’s faster. I typically like to boil water with the lid off because I like to watch the process happen… and also because I have the tendency to let the water boil over from time to time.

When I watch water boil with the lid off, I feel like I’m watching a reflection of how my emotions work.

The stove lights up and begins to heat the pot. The pan heats up and begins to heat the water. Slowly, but surely, bubbles begin to appear as the temperature of the water begins to rise. They come up from the bottom and pop at the surface until a rolling boil begins to occur.

It’s a slow process. It’s a somewhat boring process. It’s a process that can still make a mess.

As the boiling water roils, it splashes more and more the hotter it gets. It splashes more the fuller the pot is and creates an even bigger mess if you’re not paying attention to it.

And that’s how i have noticed my emotions tend to work. They start slow, and if someone is paying attention, they might notice some bubbles of how I’m feeling show up. But if I burn for too long on something, it gets messy.

That happened to me this morning on a call with my mom. Something had been simmering boiling for far too long, and it got messy. I overflowed, and things I had been keeping inside for far too long came to the surface.

Better late than never, but there has got to be a healthier way to do this. Maybe monitoring a boiling a pot with a lid on it is the way to do it. We’ll soon find out.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Boil water with a lid. The process is faster and less messy when under control.

Corporate Comparison

Have you ever walked into a conversation that felt like you weren’t supposed to be a part of, but one that you were also invited into?

It’s a strange situation. You know you’re supposed to be there, but you’re also an outsider.

That’s how I often feel in my day-to-day job. I get put into a lot of situations where I’m not the expert, but I’m supposed to take notes from experts or write about experts, somehow crafting their expertises and experiences into stories that the general public can understand.

It’s somewhat like being invited into a friend group, but only being there because you’re a friend of a friend.

It has its perks, too. You get to meet a lot of people and get exposed to new ideas. It’s a networking dream, and for the most part, people are respectful of the unknowing questions I ask.

But its still strange and always leaves me feeling “less than.” It always leaves me saying, look what these folks have done with their lives, while. Iook at my own and try to compete. There’s that comparison again, that thing that steals joy.

So how can we prevent that comparison, even in the work place or professional world where it seems like all there is to do is compare?

I think we can start with taking account of who we are.

Who were we created to be? And how beautiful and unique is that? While it’s easy to see our flaws, try to see your fortunes, and from there, help dismiss comparison out the door.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Another reminder that, “comparison is the thief of joy.”

Blank Page

It’s almost spooky season here in the states. Pretty soon, we’ll be thinking about all of the things that scare us. The Boogie Man. The dark. Spiders. Heights. Ghosts and the paranormal. All very scary things.

But I think I have a new greatest fear - the blank page.

The blank page is something I face every day, and every day it taunts me.

The blank page tells me not to look at it.
The blank page says time is running out.
The blank page tells me I’m not good enough.

And I believe we all have our own blank pages. We all have to write emails, tweets, social media posts and letters, and all of those start as blank slates. So in a way, we’re all facing my greatest fear. But maybe it doesn’t scare you like it does me. But I feel like it scares at lest some of you.

Maybe it’s copying and pasting old email text so you don’t have to draft a new one. Or maybe it’s using song lyrics for a caption instead of writing your own. Either way, it’s avoiding one of our greatest fears - the blank page.

But today, i’ll stand up to that fear. Today, i’m going to start emails from scratch and draft copy from my mind and not someone else’s. Today the blank page won’t be blank.

-Cliff

-Cliff’s Note: Be a blank page for Halloween and see who else you scare. Not to cause fear, but to not feel so alone.

Finding What You Love

Yesterday morning, I was listening to a podcast about turning one’s passion into a career and what it takes to make money off doing something you love. In the 28 minute episode, the host and guest of the show dive into why taking chances, saying yes and being optimistic help make businesses succeed, especially if you’re trying to start your own business. Makes sense.

Another reason for a successful business that the podcast dives into is being able to lose sleep over doing what you love. This was the idea that got me thinking about the things I would lose sleep over. After all, I do love sleep.

When I look at my life as it is now, I lose sleep over working out and writing, but really that’s about it. And most of that is working out. The writing has been a bit of a drag lately. And in all honesty, there aren’t a lot of things that I would work so hard at that I would sacrifice sleep for. I can’t seem to find what that ‘passion’ is. I don’t get up excited to work out or write. Currently, those are just things I feel obligated to do. I’m having trouble finding my passion. Finding what I love to do.

Is this common?
Is it seasonal?
Do you feel that way?
Could you let me know if you do, so I don’t feel so alone?

Looking at the world around me, it seems like everyone else has a passion. People love their work, love where they volunteer and love passions or hobbies that they lose sleep over. Lately, I haven’t felt that, and i’m searching for that feeling again. Hopefully it shows up soon, otherwise, there may not be many words left to write because passion often fuels the words.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Find something worth losing sleep over.

Emotional Healing Vs. Physical Healing

Earlier this week, I was prepping dinner and slicing up onions to add to a dish. About halfway through the onion, I sliced the very tip part of my thumb off with the knife I was using.

It felt terrible.
Blood went everywhere.
The onion was ruined.

It’s been nearly 4 days since the cut happened, and it has just now healed enough to where it doesn’t bleed whenever I bump the wound.

Time heals.
As does the human body.

I was talking about this healing process with a friend at lunch yesterday. We were talking about how incredible it is that the body can do what it can do, regrowing skin, mending itself. Targeted right toward the wound.

As we were talking, I couldn’t help but wonder about emotional wounds and emotional healing. Does it work the same? Can our minds and our souls callous and regrow as we become wounded by life? And even if they can, is that healthy?

Part of me thinks no. And a larger part of me thinks emotional healing us much slower than physical healing. As skin regrows in a matter of days, emotional scars last years, if not lifetimes. And as skin regrows, scars and reveals damage, so do emotions.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Mental health healing can be harder than physical health healing.

All is Vanity?

“Vanity of vanities, says the Preacher, vanity of vanities. All is vanity.”

The beginning of my favorite book of the Bible is depressing, to say the least.

“Everything is meaningless,” it says.

But the opening is also one of the most relatable openings in the ancient text.
How often do we feel like our life is meaningless?

I think we all have our seasons. We have our seasons of depression, our seasons of doubt and our seasons of questioning. We all want to know what our “why” is, and often times, that why changes.

We work hard, but for what? For who?
Ourselves? That seems selfish.
Our family? What if we have none.
Fame? That’s fleeting.

I’ve always wanted to memorize an entire book of the Bible, so I’m picking this one. Ecclesiastes. My favorite book, and one that i come to time and time again in my seasons of doubt and lack of purpose. The Preacher in the text asks a lot of the same questions I have myself, and rarely has answers, much like myself. It seems like a good fit.

Maybe in the meaninglessness, I will find meaning in memorizing these words and reflecting on them, in small doses at a time.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Meaning can be found, even in meaninglessness.

Taking Ourselves Too Seriously

My wife, Sarah, works for a national corporation. The structure of her company is ‘corporate,’ and so are many aspects of the culture she’s involved in.

The other day, we were working together from a local brewery to wind down a long day, and she showed me an email she had sent to her to team as she explained how a new product launch had gone for them. The email was an internal piece that probably went to 20 people or so, and the first thing I noticed about the email was that it lead off with a relevant .gif at the top of the thread, followed by light-hearted, exciting text. It was a small reel of the GEICO Hump Day Camel (no, Sarah doesn’t work for GEICO). An added, fun touch to an exciting announcement within the company.

I took note of that .gif and admired Sarah for the fun she brought to her work. Even in the craziness and stress of a product launch, she brought an element of fun, excitement and creativity to the table that was no doubt a breath of fresh air to the rest of her team.

The .gif usage stood out to me more than it normally would because as of late, I’ve felt like sometimes I take myself too seriously. At work and in life. I’ve thought too much about sounding professional and perfect within email threads, and I’ve lost touch with bringing creativity and fun to situations when I have the chance to. Part of that is due to the work culture i’m in myself, as it’s an extremely buttoned-up environment, and because it’s that way, I believe it offers even more chances to be creative in bringing fun into the work place.

In work, in family, in faith and in life, fun is important and team comradery is vital. Taking ourselves too seriously can get in the way of both.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: When in doubt, send a .gif.

Emotions, Harder Than They Sound

For someone who has been told I have a high EQ, it certainly doesn’t feel like it some days.

Emotions are rarely perfect, so I’ve never liked to show them much. Even when they are perfect, it a fleeting perfection.

Emotions are raw. They are true - a unique characteristic that takes what’s inside one’s soul and displays it outwardly, much like the body displays pain or gain when there’s sickness or health inside of it.

Emotions are not something I’m good at. Feeling things and outwardly expressing them has never been my forte. For a long time, I was taught to cover up what was inside. I suppose that was part of growing up being a man, where certain emotions aren’t supposed to be expressed. Which is the same case for a women, but probably worse. I don’t know how they do it. Or how I’m supposed to do it.

Part of me thinks I’m broken emotionally. Unable to express and feel fully the way that a normal person should. Not out of chemical imbalance, but instead out of fear. A self-inflicted flaw that I can’t stop harming myself with.

Today, I’m going to laugh more. I’m going to smile more. I’m going to be vulnerable. Maybe that’s a step toward emotional self-healing.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Let it out, whatever it is.

Jobs, Passion and Hobbies

Job. Passion. Hobby.

Three different things that can bend and bleed into one another throughout life, sometimes for the best, and sometimes for the worst.

Jobs.
Some of us work for the weekend. Some of us live to work.

Passions.
We feel deeply toward a cause or a subject and can’t get enough of it.

Hobbies.
Leisure. Fun. A work in progress. Enjoyment and establishing goals and growth.

Lately, I’ve been trying to figure out what writing is for me. Sure, I enjoy it. It’s something that I’m good at, and I have personal goals surrounding it. It also bleeds into my job most days. I spend extra time working on the craft, but I also feel spent after long sessions of it.

It bends and it bleeds.

I’m not sure what I want writing to be either. If it was a full-time job, would it still contain joy? If it were only a hobby, would I have any passion behind it? I could certainly use more time to work on it, but I also am glad it doesn’t control my life, and for now, that’s okay. Maybe writing will be every-evolving, just like myself. It will change with life’s seasons, some seasons being better than others. And there’s peace in the realization.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Jobs, passions and hobbies can’t always be dictated by oneself, but rather by life’s season.