Character Arcs

Over the past several weeks, my wife, Sarah, and I have watching all of Marvel’s ‘Avengers’ movies in chronological order, which is quite the task; each movie is 2+ hours long, and there are always several story lines happening within each film.

One of the most interesting characters in their cinematic universe is Tony Stark. He’s interesting for several reasons, one, of course, being that he’s Iron Man. Another because he’s essentially Marvel’s version of Batman - a wealthy person who doesn’t have super powers by nature, but rather has money to create technology that gives him a skillset. However, the biggest reason Tony Stark stands out to me is because of his character development. From his first appearance in Iron Man one to his last appearance in a film I won’t tell you the name of because of *spoilers,* his character arc grows significantly from the selfish, wealthy man we see in the beginning to the sacrificial, giving person we see in the end. It’s dramatic and true.

It makes me wonder what it would be like if we could see our own character arcs.
How dramatic would they be?
Would we change for the better or for the worse over time? Maybe both?
Where would the timeline stop?

Maybe that will be a piece of Heaven (or Hell?), getting to watch your life on a big movie screen. In Heaven maybe there’s popcorn, in Hell, there probably wouldn’t be. Either way, I can only hope my arc goes up.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Continue to learn and grow in wisdom, compassion and sacrifice.

Showing Up

Do you ever have those mornings when your head feels like it’s in a complete fog, and when you look out the window, the world mirrors your mind and traps you in dense clouds where you can’t see more than a few feet in front of you? That’s today.

I tried opening the finder window to begin writing this morning, and clicked the wrong one four times.
I forgot to turn my headlights on (dangerous in the fog).
I used face wash as shampoo.
And I made hot tea this morning without putting in the teabag. So, I basically made hot water for 10 minutes.

These type of mornings aren’t the greatest. They don’t set one up for a successful work day, and everything feels difficult, but guess what?

We eventually get our finder windows open to the right one.
We find our headlight switch.
Face wash is still soap.
As long as the hot water is at least warm, you can still use it for tea.

You showed up, and that’s what counts. Even when days don’t start like we want them to or don’t finish as well as they start, showing up and trying is a win in itself.

So, if you’re having a day like me, enjoy the fog and smile in the fact that you showed up.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: A win is a win, even if it’s small.

Making Friends

Making friends has always been hard for me. The process feels like entering an ice-cold swimming pool on hot summer day. I know the water is going to feel great after I get in, but the action of actually getting into the pool takes a little while.

I always study the water at first, debating whether or not I want to dive headfirst into the deep end or take it slow, easing into knee-deep depths, and finally, after the water gets past my belly button, being able to fully submerge.

There are a lot of people who take the alternate route, as well, diving headfirst into the water without any thought at all. And sometimes, I wish that were me. It certainly looks cooler than entering a pool the same way most children under the age of five enter one.

I often wish the headfirst approach was more my style when it comes to forming friendships, too - Avoiding the awkward song and dance of debating whether or not to approach someone and introduce myself, but instead walking straight up to a stranger or group of strangers, thrusting out a sweaty right hand in confidence for a handshake and introductions. Nonetheless, I’m a slow-wader, and not only do slow-waders need time to meet people and form friendships, we need even more time to find roommates and even more time to be-friend those roommates, rather than just treating them like roommates.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Dive or don’t.

Giving

This past Sunday was an uncomfortable day for the pastor at our church. It was a day that he had to talk about giving & tithing - two things I’m sure pastors feel like they never talk about, but two things that I’m sure congregants feel like they talk about too much. It also seems to never fail that churches have more visitors on days when the sermon is about giving the church, which is uncomfortable for everyone, and with all of those facts in mind, yes, this past Sunday’s sermon was about giving.

I’ve always thought the giving can look like a lot of things, money being one of them, obviously, but also time.

One of my friends, John, is in medical school, and he has always believed in tithing his time, especially while in school and taking out loans. He has the conviction that he can’t tithe money while he doesn’t have a job and by using student loan funding, so he goes above and beyond to serve, which I have always respected.

On the other hand, I have a friend who’s a devout atheist, and he’s creating a nonprofit business based on giving back 11% of all proceeds; that’s 1% better than the 10% mark that the Church often instills as how much one should tithe. I respect that business model as well, and how he wants to put into practice the idea that one doesn’t have to go to Church to do good things in the world.

Then, there’s my wife and I, both with jobs, both going to Church and both giving back. But how much is enough? How much is not enough? Both in time and in cash. It’s a question that is different for all families and all individuals, and it’s one we talk about often, but I always wonder - will it ever feel like we’re giving enough? Just as I wonder - will it ever feel like I have enough?

Two questions. Opposite ends of the spectrum. Never clear answers.

-Cliff

-Cliff’s Note: Even though there are questions in giving, give gladly.

Things on Walls

I’m staring at the cubicle walls in my office for the first time in a long time, and I’m looking at all of the artifacts I’ve hung up over the past year.

There’s a framed, college degree, a photo of my wife, Sarah, and I, and there’s a block of wood with praying hands carved into it done by my grandfather.

On another wall, there’s a magnet from New Zealand, a Landshark bottle opener and a Harry Potter magnet that my friend sent me from a trip to Florida a few years back. It’s holding a productivity schedule.

As you swing to the other wall, computer monitors hang with matchbox drawings taped to them. Each drawing depicts a different camping scene, one with men fishing out of a canoe and the other one with a family sitting around a campfire.

I suppose I’ve hung these things up to provide an atmosphere of serenity. Something to represent me and who I am in a massive building filled with other people and things that represent each of them.

We hang things in our homes, in our cars and all around us, and all of those things say something.
They tell a story.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Take notice of the things around you and ask about the stories they tell.

Uncontrollable Words

What do we all have that is both seen and unseen, used for good and evil and that we all both have control of and lack control of?

Words.

Words have been on my mind a lot lately. Not the words on this screen, but the words that come out of my mouth, the words that seem to be on the tip of my tongue without me even knowing it.

Like yourself, I’m often unsure of where the words that I speak come from. Sometimes I say things I promise I’d never say. Sometimes I say good things that I never knew I understood. But mostly, I find myself saying things to please people, things that I wouldn’t normally say or subscribe to, but things that I know will make the person I’m talking with happy.

I was listening to an ancient piece of text the other day, and it said that all kinds of animals have been tamed by mankind, but that we have still never been able to tame our tongues. It said that our mouths are restless and have poison in them.

And I can’t help but believe that’s still true, even these thousands of years later after that text was written; we still. have trouble controlling what we say and speak.

Maybe one day we’ll get a grip. Until then, I’ll keep trying to catch the words coming out of my mouth before they come all the way out and admit I’m wrong for the ones that escape that shouldn’t.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Words are like a wine; they can be good when the time is right, good and served among friends, but they can also be bitter, toxic and spilled, ruining a moment and your shirt .

Life Chapters

Recently, i’ve been reading stories about King David from the Old Testament in the Bible - his Mighty Men, his victories and failures and his ruling kingdom. He was quite the guy, a ‘man after God’s own heart.’

And in reading all about him, I wonder if he knew that one day, 2,000+ years later, people would still be reading of him and all he’d done, the good and the bad. That has to be one of the downfalls of being a king, in my opinion - everyone reading all the details of your life, most of which lack context.

There’s also the story of David and Bathsheba, probably David’s lowest moment that’s recorded. But the funny thing is, it’s only recorded in one of the oracles of his life, not the other. In fact, it gets nearly a full chapter dedicated to it in one book, while the other book doesn’t mention it at all.

It got me to thinking about my own life and what people would read about it in old journals and hear told about it from old friends and family. Would the bad things come up, or just the good? How long before the bad is forgotten and the good remains or before the good is forgotten and all the bad, damaging things we’ve left behind are all that remain?

Much like yourself, i hope the good things remain, that I’m remembered for good. For loving, for teaching, for sacrificing, for wisdom, patience and goodness.

I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Each day is a chapter written. I’ll try my best to write the good, unforgettable ones.

Clouds

Clouds cover the city skyline this morning. Not fog, but thick, dark blue clouds.

It looks as if it might storm, but the sun rising in the east pushes an orange glow across the deep blue thunderheads, reflecting the light and making the sky question whether it will rain or not.

I like these types of clouds, these types of days. They’re dreary, but they’re also peaceful and carry promises.

They carry rain.
They carry rainbows.
They give us shade in the heat of summer.

All good things. All beautiful things. All counteracting the storms they also carry.

So today sits and waits for the storm that may or may not come, and today enjoys the promises that already have come: light, warmth, beauty and the hint of a rainbow tracing the tail end of the sky.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: See the clouds, smell the rain, hear the thunder, feel the electricity and taste goodness.

Forgetting Names

I’m not good with names, terrible actually.

Typically, the first time I meet someone, I’m too focused on my own, personal elevator pitch to hone in and focus on the very first thing, and most important thing, my acquaintance tells me - their name.

This past weekend at an event I was working at, I must have met 20-30 people, all who told me their name, and I could probably only tell you one of those names now. It’s not impressive, and it’s a skill I long to be better at.

Names are important. They’re part of our identity, and often the first sign I catch that someone respects me and wants to know me is when they remember my name and use it.

Of course, there are others like me, who are just bad with names and mean no disrespect when they can’t remember it, but when we can remember names, it can changes someone’s entire day and entire experience.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Take names.

Family Leadership

This morning, I was listening to a podcast that I tune into weekly. I must be nearly 200 episodes into it, if not more, so one might say I enjoy it at the least. It’s called the BEMA Podcast, and it is typically hosted by two guys - Marty Solomon and Brent Billings; however, this morning’s episode was missing Brent and featured Marty’s wife, Becky, for the first time.

This episode of the podcast turned out to be a discussion between husband and wife. It was a healthy talk that ranged from Marty and Becky’s differences to their family’s core values, and it was during their chat that I began to feel convicted - not by anything in particular they were questioning of their listenership’s marriages, but just by the way they talked about leading their family. It made me feel behind, even as Sarah and I are newly-weds, like I was being a poor leader in my own family. So I began to write down some questions.

What does leadership look like in marriage?
What are our core values?
How can I pray more?
What will I have to sacrifice?
How can I do the hard things?
How can I always be honest?
Will I lose sleep?
How can I make sure Sarah feels cared for, loved and known?
What can we build together to begin working toward family goals?

These were things I hadn’t thought of before and questions I hadn’t addressed. But now questions that I want to. Even though we’re a young family, and I’m a young husband, I don’t want to leave those things as excuses to neglect family leadership.

So this Friday, heading into the weekend, this is my reader question: When do you feel most like a leader and how can you pull that into an area of life when you feel less like one?

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Sacrifice is a requirement of leadership, and that is not easy.

The Comparison Found in Competition

Yesterday I wrote about comparison.

Today, I’m going to do the same thing. Because this month is ‘Muscle May’ at the gym my wife, Sarah, and I go to.

We go to a bootcamp style gym called ‘Intentional Fitness,’ and we absolutely love it. Not only have the workouts and culture made a big impact on our mental and physical health over the past few months, but the community there has also been extremely refreshing. We’ve made friends we never would have made before and have learned things we wouldn’t have had the opportunity to learn.

But, as I said, this month is ‘Muscle May,’ a challenge to see who can gain the most muscle mass over the next 4 weeks, which of course brings up the question: How do you do handle this without comparison?

How is it possible to have a fitness competition, while at the same time not trying to compare yourself to your peers? Essentially, to not compare almost removes the competition aspect of the challenge. Even when comparing your former self to your current self or visa versa.

I’m trying to figure this out, and I don’t have an answer to this question, but if you do, I would love to hear it in the comments below.

I struggle with comparison greatly, and I don’t want to get caught in its traps over the next four weeks. After all, “Comparison is the thief of joy.”

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: How do you remove the comparison from competition?

Tape Measures & Rope

I’m looking outside the back window of our house this morning as I write. There’s a big, beautiful tree that shades most of this side of the backyard, and when it has all its leaves, the tree creates a sense of serenity. Except one part of the tree.

One part of the tree has a long, yellow rope hanging from it, falling down from way up high in the tree’s massive branches, too high to reach. There’s something about this rope that is off putting. Sure, it stands out against the rest of the tree and hangs there with no purpose other than to dangle in the wind. But it also feels like it symbolizes negativity. It resembles a noose, which I don’t love, but it also looks like a long measuring tape, showing me just how long it is and just how far from the ground it is. And it always reminds me of measuring myself. Just how far off I am from the things I want to achieve.

That’s a lot to take away from a long-forgotten rope hanging in the backyard, but it goes to show, we (humans) will take self-measurements from anywhere. From the people around us, from social media, from television and books, and apparently, even from the inanimate objects placed around us that the voices in our heads use to tell us lies.

What are you measuring, and what’s measuring you?
I hope they are true.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Measuring yourself compared to others is no way true way to measure.

Communication, the Key

The other day, I had a bombshell dropped on my head, figuratively of course. It was a news bombshell - one of those times where you hear something totally unexpected and out of the blue, and it takes you several hours to recover. That bombshell hurt.

I hadn’t had news hit me like that in quite sometime. It wasn’t anything life-altering or earth shattering, but there’s something about feeling in the dark that’s scary, and we all know that the dark can be a scary place.

You can’t see what’s in front of you, what’s making noise or what may be creeping up behind you. And that’s kind of how it feels when you’re left in the dark in the communication world, too.

This had me thinking about how communication really is key; it’s key to not only addressing what needs to be addressed, but even more so, it’s key to maintaining relationships.

Lately, I haven’t been paying attention to communicating well in my own relationships, even in marriage. I’m not always communicating what’s going on in my head, at work or in other friendship circles, and i’m sure that’s hard for my wife, my best friend, to feel slightly, if not fully, in the dark sometimes. And that’s not fair, and it’s not healthy.

So, is communication a key on your keychain? Or do you sometimes leave it in a door somewhere, like me?

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Communication can provide light in darkness.

Remembering Sunday

Yesterday morning was one of the best mornings I can remember in quite some time.

I got to sleep in longer than most days, and when I finally woke up to the soft sunlight seeping through the bedroom blinds, I felt rested.

After waking up, my wife Sarah and I went to church together. It was an outdoor service, and the air was a warm 70 degrees, with clouds providing shade and a light breeze working its way through the trees, bringing the smell of of spring off of the morning’s fresh dew.

The church message was one of those that isn’t always fun to hear, but one that you need to hear, and we were surrounded by friends and a community, all hearing the same message, which seems to make those types of messages ring truer - when you hear them with your family.

The morning rounded off with Sarah and I checking out a new barbecue restaurant near our house. We ate outside on the patio, sharing a plate of delicious food, while each sipping on a summer cocktail, and it was in those moments that I realized how great that morning had been. How much it had been needed. How special the good days feel.

I’m not sure that it’s all that interesting for you to read about my Sunday morning, but I felt like I needed to reflect on it and share it. Not to say, “i’m better than you,” or “look how good my life is,” but to wish the same to for you - that the good days will come and when they do, that you can sit in those small moments and smile, knowing how much of a gift they are because for some reason, the hard days always stand out more. But let that not be true. Remember the good ones.

-Cliff

Cliff’s note: Remember the good days.

Beauty & Neglect

The sun shines high on a man standing on the corner of a street. It’s a warm day, but not too warm. The temperature sits right around 70 degrees, and there’s a slight breeze in the air coming from the south that hits him at just the right moments, wicking the sweat from his brow each time it begins to form.

The man has no home, and he’s looking for marijuana, at least that’s what his cardboard sign says. There’s pain on his face. Physical pain based on the scars you see. Emotional pain based on the cars you see passing him, not offering the help he needs.

But still, the sun is shining on this man on this warm day with a warm breeze.

And isn’t that the irony?

That there can be such such beauty and relief happening to a person, while such pain and neglect are happening simultaneously to the same person.

And in that moment, as another human being, I too feel the beauty of the warm and the pain of the neglect, while also wondering, what would this man see when if he looked at me?

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: “If we experience God’s blessings, we must accept trials as well.”

Chapter One

Today’s post is a simple, selfish one.

Today’s post is a marker on the calendar and a a totem of remembrance to the day that I finished the first chapter of a first draft on a first book.

It’s a small step, but it’s been a grueling big one that I want to remember.

I want to remember overcoming the obstacles of believing I have a voice, believing that I have what it takes to to a writer and believing I have words to share that might relate to someone else, even just one person who may feel alone in their thoughts.

That’s why I write. So others don’t feel alone and to share a story that might be relateable, even if it’s just to one other person.

So, cheers friends. Thank you for reading and being a part of this journey.

On to the next one.

-Cliff

Cliff’s note: You have what it takes.

Skills

I haven’t picked up a camera in a hot minute, which you have probably noticed if you’re a regular reader here. It’s been stock photos to the max.

And I don’t love that. I don’t love using other people’s work on top of my own. Maybe that’s a pride thing, maybe it’s a consistency thing. Either way, it’s been a long time since I’ve picked up my camera, and my craft shows it.

At my previous job, I had a camera in my hand nearly every day of the week. Photography was a skill I honed and got extremely good at with the consistency I was operating at. But now, I wonder what it will be like next time I pick up a camera.

How foreign will that body feel?
What will I see outside of the viewfinder?
Will I still be able to make my subject feel comfortable and confident?
Will I feel confident?

There’s something to be said for consistency in our skills. Sure, our interests fade and sharpen, but once we have those skills and have worked hard to obtain them, it’s a shame to lose them.

Maybe it’s piano or guitar? (Two more skills I have lost)
Maybe it’s cooking?
Maybe it’s writing?
Maybe it’s running or exercising?

We all have skills, and we are all at the mercy of time and how often we can use them, hone them and become masters. So I ask you, what’s your skill or that one that has faded away?

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Find an excuse to do what you love.

Trusting in Cliches

This weekend, my wife, her parents and I spent the weekend painting the interior of our home, and I learned a lot doing so. But possibly the biggest lesson I learned was that I don’t like painting. I mean, the painting is fine, and even kind of mentally relaxing, but the set up and preparation to paint, that’s another story.

There’s this lame saying that everyone knows by heart, “Good things take time.” It was one of those sayings that your parents used to tell you to be patient for things, and it was a saying I kept hearing in my own head as I put yet another line of painters tape down across a wall fixture or baseboard. It was just as mentally taxing as it was physically, and the entire time, I was trying to come up with a better saying to focus on rather than, “Good things take time.”

We were listening to music while we were coloring the walls, and I heard the lyrics to Elton John’s, ‘Rocket Man’ telling me, “It’s going to be a long, long time.” I thought those were fitting words, too, but still not quite what I was looking for to describe what I was feeling; however it was right after that track that another quote came to mind, one that fit the summation of my painting experience.

“Trust the Process”

Another cliche, sure. But a more fitting one, yes. I was in a process. The process of cleaning everything only to make it dirty. The process of moving everything into a cluttered heap to ensure it didn’t get paint on it. The process of moving that heap to a new location to paint where it once stood. The process of taping, newspapering, laying out papers, mixing paint and adding layer after layer of new color to every square inch of a room. The true definition of a process.

But sometimes that’s all life is, a series of processes. One’s we go through day-today, both comfortable and uncomfortable. Some old, and some new (typically the uncomfortable ones), but it’s what makes up life. And that’s a process I don’t ever want to get bored with.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Cliches are okay, sometimes.

Different

I’m a 29-year-old white, Christian male. I live in the middle of the United States.

I’m not a minority.

I don’t have a right to tie that word to my name.

I’ll never know what it’s like to be a:
African American
Asian
Jew
Latino
Poor
Samoan
Woman
Insert any other minority group here.

My life will never be challenged in those ways, and yours might not either. Myself, and those like me, rarely, if ever, will have the opportunity to feel ‘different.’

But how can we try? How can we begin to put ourselves in situations where we are different? Where we are outsiders. Where we are forced to think differently and empathize with how the majority of others feel when they are around us.

That is a kind of person I long to be.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Be exposed to different.

Acknowledgment

Gyms are full of mirrors. Mirrors to get ready in front of in the bathrooms, and all over the walls in front of weight stations and cardio machines. I used to think they were there so you could watch yourself flex and check yourself out as you picked up your weights, drenched in sweat. But now, I feel like the mirrors are there to help you watch your form. You don’t want to drop your body or the weights too low, and the mirrors are there to help keep you accountable to the angles, movements and ways one moves their body.

I look at the wall, the small brick or concrete sections of the gym that lack mirrors. Why?

I used to think it was because I didn’t want to feel prideful in myself or catch myself flexing in the mirror. But now, I feel like I don’t look at the mirror because I’m scared to acknowledge myself. I’m scared to see the reflection that would be looking back at me - its age, its change, its face. I don’t want to acknowledge myself or be acknowledged, out of fear, not humbleness.

Today is National Admin Professionals Day - a day when we’re supposed to acknowledge and celebrate those secretaries, schedulers and those around us who probably work the hardest carry a lot of stress. I hope today is a day when they are acknowledged. When teammates are able to look them in the face, without fear of vulnerability and say ‘Thank you.’ Thank you to some of the most unacknowledged people in the workforce who work the hardest.

-Cliff

Cliff’s Note: Acknowledge those around you, and yourself.