The holiday feels aren't being felt.
It's Thanksgiving, yet this might be the most removed from a holiday I've ever felt. I've been so busy with work, life and everything else, that the fact it's the holiday season hasn't even begun to set in with me. It's like I haven't had time to even think about feeling thankful, but when I do try to think about it, the more it seems to jump out to me how weird of a word Thanksgiving is. At the root of it is the word, "thanks," and at the end of it is the word, "giving." Looking at it this way is funny because rarely does anyone, myself included, say thanks after they give or feel thanks.
I realize the actual word is meant to represent the "thanks we give" for all that we're thankful, but still. It's a funny thought to give to someone and say thank you, rather than to say thank you just upon receiving something from someone; however, giving is a blessing, and I think it's good to be thankful for opportunities to give, just as it is to be thankful for opportunities we've received. As the Proverb says, "The generous will themselves be blessed, for they share their food with the poor." Not only is the blessing of receiving something to be thankful for, but so is the blessing of giving.
Even though the heart behind Thanksgiving is being thankful for all we have, maybe it's important to be thankful for all we have gotten to give, as well. After all, it's better to give than receive, and where things are better, things call for more thanksgiving.
Another issue I'm having with feeling thankful this Thanksgiving is being self conscience about where the thankfulness I do feel is coming from. I feel thankful that I have a warm car to drive in. I feel thankful that I have a home to drive to, and I feel thankful that I have family and friends surrounding me to see every time I open a door. No matter where I turn, or what I do, I'll always be able to find someone to support me, and I wouldn't trade that for the world. It's definitely something to be thankful for, but in reality, why I am thankful? Am I thankful for what I have been blessed with or am I thankful that I'm not in someone else's shoes- someone else's shoes who might not have shoes, someone who is in need.
I’m not the young man sitting on the corner in Downtown Tulsa holding a sign that says, “I take smiles.” I’m not the girl that’s been abused so many times that she can’t even look a stranger in the eye. I’m not the man trying to take care of his young daughter day by day always trying to find somewhere safe to sleep. By comparison, I’m thankful because I’m not in any of these positions.
I have friends. I have family. I have food, clothes and shelter. I'm blessed beyond measure. “Look how much God has blessed me,” I think to myself.
I have become thankful from comparison rather than from compassion. The moment I start to compare myself to others, I begin to feel boastful or “better than."
Jesus was the opposite. Jesus “felt compassion on the crowds” when he saw them. He empathized with people and served them.
“When we are in the presence of others who are better, we become discontent, yet when we are in the presence of God, even our minds will find gratitude.”
When we dwell on God, we switch from feeling inadequate to feeling gratitude and thanksgiving. We don’t begin to compare ourselves to God, but we, in our smallness, begin to wonder that God would even care for us in our smallness, and we can certainly take joy in that. Hopefully the thought of that will start sparking some holiday feels.
-Cliff
Cliff's Note: Sometimes you have to think to feel and feel to be thankful.
