It's funny how just noticing and analyzing human behavior during the mundane things of every day life can really open your eyes to how your own behavior in certain situations. I'm by no means a psychologist or a sociologist, but I do like people watching, and I do like learning from other people and myself. Because of this, I had one of those learning moments this afternoon.
Today at work during our lunch break, my friend was trying to get the lid of her soup unscrewed. After trying for a few seconds, she gave up with a sigh and looked to the guy on her left to ask if he could open it for her. Naturally, he obliged, and after some effort and time spent trying himself, he was able to pop the top off, and she was able to enjoy her soup.
This got me to thinking about how these scenarios usually go for me, personally. If I'm in her shoes, and I can't get something open, I usually give up pretty quickly just like she did because I feel awkward and weak when I can't open something, especially with people staring, and so I pass it a long to another person to see they have any better luck with it. If they do, I immediately chime in with the, "Well, I loosened it," line. On the other hand, if I'm on the receiving end of a container that I can't be opened, I'm much more likely to put forth more effort to open said container than I would if it was my own container, especially if it was a female who handed it to me. There's this sense of 'saving the day' if you're able to open someone else's jar, and you definitely don't want to be the person looking weak after the other person "loosened it." Simply put, I spend a little more time and work a little harder when it's not my container to open.
This may just be the case for me, but honestly, I think it's the case for a lot of people. I believe we would all say we'd try a little harder to open someone else's container. Why? It could be simply because we want to help people, or it could be something deeper, like the idea of wanting to impress our peers. I know that's the case for me. If I'm honest, I don't always want to open your jar of pickles because I want to help you get your sour cucumber of goodness; I usually want to open your jar of pickles because I want to prove my strength because I'm a guy and that's what guys are supposed to do.
It's a weird moment when you realize a motive behind something so common as opening a jar for someone. It's a reality check, and it's a check to my ego. I don't want to do 'nice things' out of selfish motives; I want to do 'nice things' out of selfless motives. True, the nice thing gets done either way, but much of the time when we serve or do anything for anyone, it's the heart behind it that counts, not just the service.
-Cliff
Cliff's Note: Actual strength isn't found in opening the pickle jar; it's found in the heart behind the hand opening the pickle jar.