It sucks when you have free tickets to a concert and no one has the time to go with you. It also sucks when you have plans with someone, and they forget about them and you're left hanging out to dry. It sucks even worse when these things reoccur within the same week more than three times and reoccur on the same day. They're instances that can leave you feeling unwanted, unsure and unhappy, and they're instances that can lead to three unique feelings:
Doubt. Loneliness. And depression.
These are the three words that I've been feeling lately in my spirit, and quite frankly, feeling heavily for the first time in my life. I've never struggled much with doubt, loneliness or depression, but lately, I've felt a lot more like Eeyore and a lot less like Tigger.
Inside me, there's something that says struggling with doubt and loneliness aren't real issues. It's a voice that says, "You're not really feeling these things because only weak people struggle with these things." I listen to that voice a lot. I ignore the symptoms I'm truly feeling based on how I think I should be feeling. The symptoms of loneliness and doubt go hand in hand with the negative term needy, and the last thing anyone wants to feel is needy; however, loneliness and doubt are real feelings that can't be ignored, and so far I've found out that often times these two feelings lead to the deeper feeling of depression.
There's a truth behind all of humanity, and that truth is that we all want to feel wanted. We all want to feel valued, and we all want to feel purpose. When we're 'wanted' (not like an arrest warrant 'wanted'), we don't feel lonely, and we don't feel doubt about what we're doing in life. When people value our presence, we begin to feel purposeful in our work and accepted for who we are- two things that begin to erase both doubt and loneliness.
Another truth is that people have struggled with wanting to feel valued and accepted for thousands of years; I read about it today in a book that was written thousands of years ago when people from Israel wanted so desperately to feel valued by someone that they were demanding to have a king so they would have someone to reign over them and give them purpose. They wanted to feel valuable, and they wanted to feel wanted.
You and I are the same way still today. We want to be wanted and wanted so much so that we'll chase after anything and everything to 'reign' over us. We look for value in friendships, relationships, jobs, money and so much more. We all struggle with doubt, loneliness and depression at times, and when we try to ignore those feelings and listen to the voice that says we're 'needy', we find ourselves trying to combat those feelings with anything that will let us feel meaning. So far, everything I've tried has let me down; people, money and work all have. But there's one thing that hasn't- it's the hope I have in knowing that there's eternity after this sometimes doubtful, lonely and depressing life.
-Cliff
Cliff's Note: Even though you may feel lonely in feeling lonely, doubtful and depressed, you're not alone in it.